working wednesday: the 3-wheeled bike

it's day 1 of my cleanse and so far...nothing interesting to report. oh well! :)

I am currently working on restoring this little beauty.


Can you believe there is white paint under all that rust? So far I know I will have to replace the seat, the tubes (if not the wheels!), the brake lines, probably the rear-view mirror, and the paint job. chrome and aqua, maybe? I am going to get lights for this one too. In fact I need to get lights for my other bike (Penelope) as well, so I better get started on that. I am also going to retrofit the basket to hold one of the boys. Trying to figure that one out, but it looks like I'll have a while before I need to worry about that!

To be honest though, I would LOVE a Madsen bucket bike. wow. dare to dream, right? In the meantime, I'm going to save this one from the scrap heap. What should I name her? I am thinking Adelaide, but suggestions are welcome.

happily,
nava

tasty tuesday - jumping in

On the health front, I've been dabbling in raw food. That is, when I am preparing the meal, generally for myself, it is raw. When others prepare it, it's generally been cooked. Ironically this has happened more often than usual since starting my raw food interests, as we've had visitors galore these past few weeks. Although I did manage to make a group meal of squash 'linguini' with a basil pesto and aside of sesame carrots. YUM!

It's been really awesome, having all these people around, but I've noticed major differences in my health and energy levels when I've eaten cooked versus raw, and I am really liking the effects of raw. Plus, my 'brown' eyes (which I've always called hazel) are changing colors again. Now, I've gotten to a green ring around the outer iris before, with cutting out dairy and consuming lots of water, but this time it's getting some blue in there. I haven't had blue eyes since I was a crawling baby, so this is HUGE.

Clearly I am FULL of toxins (no cracks about my personality, thank you) so I have convinced my mom to go on a cleanse with me. Now, rather than do the Master Cleanse, (I felt this was a little hardcore and perhaps ill-advised as I am still nursing) we will be doing a juice fast aided by a.m. saline flushes and senna tea. To that end I looked and looked and looked for a juicer and then I went to Cost-to-the-co to buy vinegar and... boughtaVitaMix. aaaauuuuuugghghghghg. Honestly I'm still hyperventilating a bit over the cost. I do that whenever I spend over $100 at one time, so you can only imagine the state I am in right now. So, I will be keeping very careful track of that machine's usage and when it has paid for itself,well,I am going to celebrate! I'm not sure how yet. Maybe a cookie? Anyhow, wish me luck on the fast, and I'll update as time marches on! (and saline flushes out? eew)
sorry for the lack of pics! tomorrow, I promise.

happily,
nava

material monday: new lunch box and new project

As mentioned before, I am trying to limit and decrease the amount of stuff in out lives. I am also trying to increase the quality of the remaining stuff, including upcycling, which is always fun.
This past weekend we hauled out my parent's old tv cabinet (and I mean OLD - this was given to my grandfather in the 1950s) in order to try yet again to sell it in a garage sale.


Well, we had a few nibbles, no bites, (although I did manage to sell my side cabinet; woohoo!) and as I looked it over I suddenly had a flash of inspiration: Play Kitchen! and thus begins another project. :) This is going to be awesome! It also means the current play kitchen is going out the door. yay!


my boys on tv! (That's my Dad's arm, removing the broken handle.)

In other 'stuff' news, I got a shpiffy gift from my mom: a new lunchbox! I've had my eye on these stackable types for a looong, looong time, and could never justify buying one, based on a)lack of space and 2) my bento box collection,but the other day my mom presented me with this lovely number!

I am so excited, and grateful! Now to pack it full of delicious food and go eat! somewhere. hmmm. backyard picnic? This does mean I'm going to pare down my bento collection. at least a little bit. Maybe I'll post about that next Monday!

happily,
-nava

stalking simplicity

August 1st, being a Sunday, seemed as good a day as any to launch the new 'direction' of this blog; that is, giving it an actual focus, rather than random ramblings, as I have trouble deciding what is 'worth' posting otherwise and then don't post at all.
That focus? Simplifying; doing more with less; reaching for sustainability; eliminating the clutter in our lives (in all areas) and enjoying the journey.

Toward that end we (ok, I) have several goals in different areas.

First is Health! (this is a big one): adjusting our diet to be the healthiest possible. I've started on a Raw Food diet(mostly) and it's been going well. I share with the boys, but until I really have it down I am not having them go raw just yet. Milt is not really ready for raw either, but at least he'll try what I do make! aaaaand then eat a hot dog. :)
With this diet I am hoping to alleviate allergic and autoimmune responses, and so far I have noticed a HUGE difference between eating raw and eating cooked. Of course, I usually eat cheese when I don't eat raw, so I'm sure that is exacerbating the difference. ;)
Another intended effect of this diet change is weight stabilisation. I am 17 lbs above a 'normal' BMI, and it shows. I am 37 lbs above what is normal for me; that is, a fit and healthy size, usually between 6-8 in dress size, which is what I was before my thyroid became weak, sometime between my two pregnancies. (Although, I was a little chubby when I got married; I blame that on access to only really, really crappy food). Still! The health risks, and environmental impact, of maintaining this overweight lifestyle is the opposite of what I want in my life, so I am also focusing more on Exercise!

I finally 'fixed up' my bike (inflated the front tire and tightened the handlebars; wow, I have been lazy!) and am riding almost every day, with Asher in his BoBike mini right up in front. We've both been having a blast, although he is a little big for the mini, so I am looking into getting the BoBike maxi (or something similar) sometime soon. I am also fixing up a three-wheeled bike I found in the backyard, so it will be easier to cart both boys ( or a boy and some stuff? like groceries?) around once that is done. However, it is very, VERY rusted, and I am crossing my fingers that is is still structurally sound. I did discover that the lovely orange frame is actually white underneath. wow. We also go for walks, usually down to the train station (Asher LOVES trains),and I do yoga and belly dancing, which are, and have been, fantastic for my joints. On days that I don't get those two workouts I am really stiff, and it feels so great to get those stretches in that I can get a little resentful if the morning runs away with me before I get to it.

The next area of focus is our STUFF. We want to get our own place (we currently rent a room from my parents; yes, the four of us, one bedroom, although we do have the run of the house, so it's a pretty nice setup) but we are so bogged down with STUFF that I don't want to deal with it! We have about one year to save up a down payment, and in that time I'm getting rid of whatever I possibly can. Our stuff fills out a 2-bedroom apartment pretty well, but it is still just way, way too much. So, anything I can sell is being used to fund a down payment (and to pay down some of our debt), anything I can't is being donated, freecycled, or recycled. I can say that my two big trouble areas are my craft supplies (I have 8 bins of fabric. 8. That's insane.) and stuff for the boys. I have fantastic things for the boys, including montessori materials, but it's getting lost in the deluge of STUFF. Now, I am pretty brutal when stuff comes into the house; if it's plastic or makes electronic noises, I donate it within the week. But if it is wood or natural fibers, well, it gets through and it's getting to be a bit much. I don't want the cleaning of toys (and the arguing about cleaning of toys) to continue eating into our time together. It just isn't worth it. (On that note, know what else isn't worth it? Garage sales. Cragislist FTW! Anything that can't be craigslisted should be freecycled/given away ASAP. Just saying.)

The third area is our community and environment. Milt and I are not 'joiners' but I have been feeling the lack of community now that Asher is getting older and we aren't in Santa Cruz anymore, so we want to plug in somewhere, even if it is temporary. We also want to start making positive changes outside of our home sphere, so we are looking for opportunities to do that as well. Now, some personal things fall into this area:fuel economy, cloth diapers, washing the car on the lawn, but it all fits together into one big picture of how to live the fullest lives possible while making the most impact and leaving the smallest environmental footprint.

So I'll be focusing on these three areas, keeping track and trying to make sense of where we are heading. However it goes, it's going to be amazing.

almost time for a party...

Summer's been hurtling along, hasn't it? Unbelievable that it's already mid-July. Adin's 1st birthday is Sunday (!!!!!!) and I am, I suppose, in a sort of denial about it, which is why I am totally unprepared for the party. That is, I have a box of *things* for the party, but food? what? I bought a cake mix, as waiting for inspiration to strike is looking less than promising in that department, although really, does a toddler really need cake? or in our children's cases, cupcakes? I have managed to have an argument already with my mother about the gifting; I feel awkward and tacky opening gifts in front of people, she insists we do it. This is also the woman who insisted we add *more* to our wedding registry, so we wound up with a lot of random (awesome! thank you!) things rather than the essentials we had initially picked. Don't know what to do in this case though.
I am at least planning to do his portraits at the beach, rather than with a professional in a studio, because while I love Asher's 1st-year portraits, his 2nd year pic, that I took in the backyard,is more...him... more honest. and gorgeous. I think I can get equally good photos of Adin, being the gregarious little ball of love and destruction that he is.
Plus I despise *having* to pic a certain amount in this size and that size and the other size and alright I'm still mostly peeved about spending that much on graduation announcements and pictures for a very very low return on investment, if you know what I mean, but enough about my issues.
I've been doing a lot of cleaning and rearranging and throwing out and had a massive yard sale while my mother was in Colorado which is why I am sitting in the middle of a huge mess right now with the knowledge that she will be walking in here tomorrow morning hanging over my head so I need to shut this down now and get back to work, which is fine because the battery is almost out of charge anyhow. alright, back to cleaning. or watching psych. whichever. based on this last paragraph what I SHOULD be doing is sleeping. except that sleep is for the childless, amen.

wait, it's almost July?

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted here. Or anywhere really; even my hand written journal has been neglected. It is truly because of an over-abundance of activity; I just haven't had the time, or the focus, to record much; I keep up with the boy's journals and that's about it! Speaking of the boy's, Adin's 1st birthday is in less than a month; incredible! I am excitedly planning his party, finally mailed out invitations yesterday and today, and I have a few to hand-deliver later this afternoon.
Otherwise my life-direction has been building momentum. With my plans to become a massage therapist and a midwife on the back burner, due to money+time, I came across flower essences, which I've used various times without realising it, and herbalism, which I've been studying on my own since I was about 8 (so, 20years or so? My neighbour had to help me figure out how old I am going to be next month; I thought I was turning 29, apparently I'll only be 28!) Anyhow, so I took the leap and signed up for the Master in Herbalism certification program from the School of Natural Healing, which I am LOVING, and I have immersed myself in flower essences; found a wonderful place called Green Hope Farm and ordered a bunch for my family and have begun making my own as well. What's really helpful in this is that my youngest sister reads/feel/manipulates energies really well, so she is helping me figure out the energy of each essence in addition to the traditional description for each one, and I am hoping our middle sister can use her talent reading auras to give a color signature to each one, for color therapy. This is all very exciting and fun and really wonderful, and I feel as though I am on the 'right track' to the point that I am calm, happy, and still feel like I am careening toward some unknown and very happy point in my future.
Other than that, trying to figure out where we are going to live; the NEW new plan is to wait and see where Milt gets in to pharmacy school, and in the meantime keep trying to win a house somewhere, since as long as our names are on my MIL's mortgage we don't actually qualify to buy our own place (sigh) oh well, things happen for a reason! All right, back to being busy!

ready for the weekend

Today went relatively well; Milt's alarm didn't go off so instead of waking up at 5am to get to work at 7:30 he woke up at 7:40. oops.
Asher and I went to see his acupuncturist; she and I discussed the possibility that he may actually be sensitive to the electrical current and that is why he'll only sit through about half of the treatment. He is on a new supplement to help seal his gut, and she asked that I swap in almond milk for soy milk for a while. But we love tofu! Love it! Oh well, so goes the healing process.
My Dad stopped in for an hour (instead of the weekend, but hey, that's how he is) and otherwise it's been an uneventful day.
Otherwise I've been reading through Aliza Hausman's blog, I have 3 little GF oat chalah ready and we are just about set for Shabbat, our friend is on his way down for a visit, just need a shower and OOPS I forgot to change the bedding. Ok, gotta go, back after Havdalah!

1st Iyar

This morning was Asher's first online 'class' through Room613; after technical problems i was a fun, quick class and I think he enjoyed it. Hopefully it starts on time next week, so he doesn't get antsy and wander off again, with ensuing forced sitting, tantrum, and cookie bribe (I know, I know). Still! Fun little class. A few songs, a little activity, listening to little kids try to talk to each other over the internet. Fun times.

Torn between studying Japanese, being more immersed in Judaism, teaching the ids, keeping up with the housework, taking care of my health, and using the internet. I think which one to cut is a no-brainer, don't you? Ok, off for the day, my boys are growing up and I need to enjoy it.

Also, the clothes-washer smells bad. Not a good sign, I'm assuming.

Also, from now on when I can't think of a post title I'll just use the Hebrew date. easy-peasy, yah?

mid-April musings

The sun has come back again, thankfully, and the rain stopped just short of drowning all the seedlings Asher and I planted a few days ago. I have some more seeds to start, although my hand is being forced a bit as the rain manage to penetrate my seed-storage container and dissolve my packages, so I am going to have a few containers of mystery seedlings soon. The weather is gorgeous, cool, the maple tree is suddenly full of green leaves instead of the reddish feathers it has been sporting for a month now; the apple tree is full of blossoms and bees (hooray! I love bees!) and just a few blossoms remain on the quince tree. Days like these I understand why people move to California, and I am a little tempted to stay, but I know that it is not only unsustainable but undesirable, really, and so we continue to make plans to head north, to a place where we can hopefully establish ourselves and leave a homestead that Asher and Adin (and others? Maybe.) will still be able to call home in 50 years, if they choose.

I cleared out the van yesterday; filled an Ikea bag with stuff. I couldn't believe I had let it get that bad although the majority was baby carriers and sweaters.

Found a gold(?) necklace of my mother's, covered in greenish gunk, from when she found it in her purse on the way to the airport and deposited it in my cupholder. I'm cleaning it with a toothbrush and some baking soda; seems to be working. A peace offering, perhaps, because we went ahead and got another rabbit, a companion for Broderick. Sarah Ferris, a scared little princess, but so sweet. I know she'll be furious when she finds out, but maybe (haha!) she won't notice. Yet another reason to leave; that welcoming animals into our space is such a battle here. Plus I still want to get chickens. Not much point to that if we are moving soon, as I wouldn't want to transport them and it seems silly to get them just to give them away again.

I have a tentative plan, but we'll see. I don't mind waiting a few years to get the land, but I so want to plant trees NOW and begin NOW and I want the boys to grow up with this environment, but I know building it together can have it's own rewards as well.

Asher's vocabulary and verbal skills are exploding; I'm no longer worried about him remaining delayed in that area, and he is almost ready to potty train in earnest. Am I ready? Probably not. Adin likes to make smacking noises with us by sucking in his lower lip; unfortunately he is still very much biting. Not sure how to stop this.

The baking soda isn't working so well after all, and I need to get ready for my phone appointment with Asher's acupuncturist, so off I go. I always want to double that first 'c' in acupuncture; I wonder why?

Alright, it's the end of March. Time to see what I accomplished in my grand scheme to complete 31 things in 31 days. Let's see:

Read:

1. Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma. Loved it. Reading about Polyface Farm made me want to become a 'grass farmer'; until I remembered that I am a vegetarian, and raising a bunch of animals to not eat would quickly defeat the purpose. Also, I am paranoid about corn now. And I want to go scavenge some mushrooms.
2. Dr. Manifesto for a New Medicine. Also loved this one; gave me a lot of inspiration for things to do, health-wise, and it was ironic to read his ideas for healthcare reform just after the bill passed. I was thinking they should really just have applied that entire chapter, instead. Still, it helped me to become more clear in what I am looking for when it comes to healthcare providers, and what I am willing/not willing to put up with/accept. Good things.

Did:

3. Took Asher to see an acupuncturist. Very, very nice woman; she sat and listened to his whole history and how I just felt he wasn't as healthy as he is supposed to be, even though he is technically healthy, something just seems off. She was very understanding. :) Tried to do a scan, but he freaked out halfway through, so she went ahead and started treatments and began a regimen of supplements for him and the difference is HUGE. He LOOKS healthier to me, already, and Monday night he got something with gluten and the only way we knew was because he got the rash. No meltdowns, no crazy behaviour, nothing else, just the rash. ALSO, that rash is almost healed. These sores have never healed in less than a week, and here we are, 2 days later, and they are already fading. Our next appointment is Monday, and I am SO EXCITED. The only side effect we had was his waking up repeatedly screaming for a couple nights, but that's stopped too. So wonderful.
4. Signed Asher up for an online class with 2-5 year olds; we'll see how he likes it! Now I have to find/buy a webcam. Ugh.
5. Signed us up for a community seder at the synagogue in the next town. Doesn't seem like a big deal, but it required me finding one, getting in the RSVP before the deadline, and having the money available to send in. Huge.
6. Went to the seder! It was really, really fun. Asher at least had a blast, and we wound up chatting with a Moroccan woman who was fantastic. She seemed to like us too :)
7. Had a playdate, at the park, with another mom with 2 kids. Again, doesn't seem like a big deal, but for me, HUGE.
8. Cleaned for Pesach. Also huge. This may count for 5 items on my list, because that was a lot of cleaning. A lot. We have decided we want a tiny house instead.

Made:

9. Yellow curry for the aforementioned seder. I had the tofu separate, in order to keep it Ashkenazi-safe, and totally forgot to fry it beforehand so it was limp and tasteless, but the curry itself was good and now we are eating the leftovers over rice. Because we eat rice during Pesach. also, beans. and such. yum. Side note: I once had a Russian Jew insist to me that she was Sephardi. Because her family ate rice on Passover. I was like "ummmm....not gonna burst your bubble there, sweetie." I, and our (Mizrachi) instructor were really really confused. Okay, side note done!
10-18. 8 mesh produce bags. I used one of those white mesh curtain sets from IKEA; they are really great! No more plastic bags for our produce, no sir! Except that the mesh is polyester, so they are still technically plastic...hmmm. Second side note: I am amazed by how much IKEA stuff is plastic now. It's almost as if there offerings are dividing into super sheap and flimsy or a little above cheap but sturdy. Maybe?
19-25. Copied out patterns from Ottobre magazine. I scanned one sheet (which took a stinking long time, thanks to a poor dying printer/scanner) then went through each scanned image and copied out all of each color in that image, to be pieced together into the actual pattern pieces. It took a really long time, but less time, and more accurate, than hand-tracing, so there you go. Now I should really sew something with them.

Plus all the things I mentioned previously:

26. Asher's apron
27. The bunny sheet
28-29. Baby carrier + baby carrier pattern
30. Asher's journal
31. Chanukah bags
32. Repairing the chairs.

So, yay, 32! Although you could count those 8 produce bags as one item, but I won't. There were so many things I started out working on that I never finished; I would say the majority of completed items on this list were things not even thought of at the beginning. The massive hutch is still in progress, ugh, and is now in the family room, and somehow, despite measuring the space 5 TIMES, it seems the hutch is too big. I do not know how I did that. I'm not sure what to do about it either. It's a bit, well, enormous, unfortunately, and my Mom is NOT going to be happy. Of course, I'm not really happy with it, so there you go.
Okay, on to April! Maybe this month should be UFO month? :)

March Making update

Halfway through the month, time for an update on my "finishing project".

1. An apron for Asher; he is constantly in the kitchen with me, so I figured I should make him an apron that is more his size; bonus is, he wears it while he's eating too! (This is awesome because he WILL NOT wear a bib. Ever. He would rather starve, while screaming and throwing himself at the floor repeatedly, than wear a bib.)



2. Baby Carrier: love it! Cobbled together from several different patterns and ideas, so I also now have a good, solid


3. Baby Carrier pattern! I love it too. I've put together everything I like from other people's ideas, and made modifications that I really want, and it looks like a good one. I'm going to make up my first one for my friend who is having her 2nd baby next month (!!!) and seeing as her boys will be as far apart as my boys are, she is going to have a lot of use for a carrier like this.


4. Finished updating Asher's 1st year journal. That was emotional and wrenching and so, so sweet.

5-6. 2 Chanukah bags; I've had this fabric for years, and a couple years ago I actually decided what to make from it, but never got around to it. Now I have! I have a stack ready to go, just need to finish assembling the rest.

7. bunny blanket: I assembled a patchwork sheet to put in Broderick's pen; it covers and wraps under the plastic chair mat we got to protect the floor. So far both have been working pretty well; much better than the shower curtain he kept ripping up and shredding.



8. repaired two chairs; both were coming apart, so I squeezed on some wood glue and they are currently drying.

9. My bedroom is ready for Pesach. The reason it is ready for Pesach is because our power got shut off today and all I COULD do was clean. So the bedroom is clean. Next, the bathroom?

In progress are

Rabbit hutch: 50% done; I cut down all the wood, and we started assembling it, but since the stock we bought is narrower than I had planned for I have to make some new cuts. Ugh. My goal is to have this one DONE this week.

Adin's journal updating; this isn't as emotionally hard as Asher's, but it is harder, as I find it's been more difficult to actually remember specific events and times for him. curse of being the second child, I suppose.

Asher's 2nd year now needs to be recorded too. Eeeek.

Vests for my Dad; my Mom commissioned me to make these up for him, 2 cashmere, 2 gabardine. I'm pretty excited, since I get to use the leftover scraps to make vests for the boys. :)

spring quilt; I've had this quilt top ready to be sewn up for a few years now, just pinned together. I finally sewed it together and now I just need to finish making it big enough to cover the ripped side of a comforter. voila, 'new' comforter.

using up all the chametz; I'm halfway through that, although now I have a few trays full of cupcakes that I cannot eat, so Mil and Ann need to eat through them before they go stale. It's a hard job, I know, but someone has to do it.

cleaning for pesach; I've got the cookbooks and one cabinet done. One. Yeesh. I think I need to step it up in this area.

catching up on laundry: my normal routine is one load of diapers, one load of laundry every day. Between being sick and being lazy laundry built up to 12 loads that had to be washed. Now I need to put it all away, but I am also going to purge quite a bit; we do not NEED 12 loads worth of clothing. No sir.

copying patterns from Ottobre magazine. So far I'm halfway through a pair of pants. This work is somewhat tedious, at best, so I'm going to try (again) to use the computer for this. We'll see how that goes.

Other than that I have developed a Ganglian cyst on the underside of my right wrist; I'm assuming from handsawing all the red oak (should have bought poplar! augh! So much less expensive, too) for the bunny hutch. Ouch. However, I will persevere! yes! That's it for the update.

Carry on.

well hello, March

I have a few goals this month,
1. post up my backlog of posts now that I have a card reader and can
2. actually get my pictures off the memory card and onto a computer. Yay!
3. complete one project for every day of March. 31 projects? Absolutely doable, especially since I have at least that many projects in various stages of completion. Not all of them are crafty; for example, I am trying to 'catch up' on the boy's journals, actually writing the entries into the books rather than in various word files on the computer. Also, the baby's scrapbook only has congratulations cards in it at this point. Yeesh. E's 1st year album is awesome; his next one is still in the plastic wrap.
4. use up all of my chametz before Pesach; only one container of flour left! Woohoo! After that, I'm going to try to ban gluten from the house. We'll see how that goes, since C doesn't like the flavor of GF bread. hmm. I may just have to tell him to man up. and he may just go buy bread on his own instead and keep it at work...hey! problem solved! This is pretty good.

Speaking of C, today is his 26th birthday! I am taking him to see Alice in Wonderland tomorrow evening (yay!) aaaaaaaand.... I got him a bunny. So cute. however, I went looking for a small lop (preferably Holland) light-colored female. Instead I got a HUGE juvenile black male full lop. This bunny is going to be HUGE. We love him though. C kept his name, Broderick, and we added on Baruch, so B.B. for short. Which may be confusing since that's what E calls the baby: "beebee!!!!" We'll see. Ok! So, back to the cake making; I'm also making him Swedish meatballs (and veggie versions for myself, K and E).

Ok, this whole initial thing is getting annoying, so from now on we are doing middle names, and probably short versions of middle names at that. So tonight is Milt's 26th birthday, Ash calls Adin "beebee!!!" and Ann and I are enjoying veggie meatballs. You can call me Vicki. Got that? Awesome. Now I may or may not update other entries to reflect this change. We'll see. I do have 31 projects to finish (2 down, 2 almost done, and a whole pile more to go). I may wind up counting the cake as a finished project. ;)

Now, just because I can, here is Adin enjoying a mouthful of sweet potatoes. Yum!

mmmm Hanukah!

So we are finishing up the last of our presents: 3 kinds of dark fudge! yum! and frankly I don't care that most of the recipients will be opening them up on Christmas, nope, don't care, you know why? Because I made and gave them these gifts because I like them, and I want them to be happy! That's it! So what if happy for them is a week after happy for me? Right? No pictures of the candy because it's wrapped and I ate the rst and holding a baby while taking pictures of chocolate jsut means I don't havea hand free to stop E from grabbing said chocolate and shoving it into his mouth while he tears down the hallway, so yes. He's been a little wired. As have I. Yay!
We ate all our latkes. and fish tacos. and quesadillas. I never got around to making sufganiyot, because #1 we have run out of cooking oil and #2 if I don't stop eating sugar at some point, as I have been eating it every day since Thanksgiving, I WILL get diabetes, so yeah. I think we're done. There's oil in the yellow curry, I think that will be good enough. Yes!

Also, E needs to stop having access to edibles, as he decided to try drinking a bottle of Birch oil. Hi ER. That was awesome. But! He's fine! A Miracle, definitely. Happy Hanukah!

living slow?

I very much would like to live a slow year...heck, we almost moved into a bus in August! I still wish we could have made that work, but C is happier driving 2 hours round-trip to work than having a 15-minute commute but having to cross Hwy 17 any day. Oh well. Also, there's just So. Much. Awesome. Stuff. out there. What to do? I'm thinking a Slow Month. Well, a little over. Since we are going to PR on January 17th, I figure if we buy nothing from now until then that should count as a month, and then I'll see about February? Yes, that should do it.
What do I mean by slow month? Well, for right now it means buy nothing aside from groceries, and pay only our recurring bills (car payment, insurance, rent, student loan...wow, we have a lot of payments). I think I'll also cut back on grocery spending again; we get a little crazy in the grocery store occasionally, so that needs to be cut back. Also, we have credit card debt again, so I'll pay that off. February will be a fresh start, and I can reevaluate then. I'm just so inspired by this family: http://frenchtoastfrance.blogspot.com/ and I want to get to that someday soon. I think we can; I think we should. Let's see if we do?
In other news: Latkes are done! Now on to (gluten-free) sufganiyot! Yeah!

side note...

E does NOT like the traditional 'Happy Birthday' song. First he scowls, and then if you keep singing it he gets more and more upset until he buries his face in his arms. I think it's because it's a minor key? So I need to find some more cheerful birthday songs for next year.

poor baby

So I have a cold, and L now seems to as well, on top of cutting teeth, and has been MISERABLE for the past few days; crying a lot, barely sleeping, fussing around, not nursing well. It's been great. Finally tonight I could not take the combo of stuffy head, drippy nose and inconsolable baby anymore and... I stuck him in his swing. Rather rudely, at that. Then I went into the next room to stare at the computer, listen to him cry and feel sorry for myself.

He fell asleep instead.

I am a babywearer to the end, but if a little neglect means my kid can actually get some sleep? Then the guilt is worth it. Poor thing.

As a bonus, here's a shot of both boys being considerably happier a couple days ago. You wouldn't think from the rolls that that baby is a lousy nurser, but wow, worst nurser EVER. I write that with all the love in the world:

maybe next year

yeah, not going to be keeping up with nablopomo, way too much other stuff going on right now, including but not limited to making sure no one in my house is exposed to or exposes my kids to H1N1, which apparently is THE disease for the county right now. Yay! Kids are healthy, I'm healthy, Thanksgiving is coming up, life is good.
I just have to keep telling myself, even if no one is hearing me, life is good.

library

Thursdays the library in the next town up has a story hour for toddlers at 10am, so for the last month C has been taking E up there. E will sit for a few minutes in the room, and then leaves, which would be unfortunate except for there being a playground right next to the library where all the kids head after story hour. So this week L and I went with them, checked out some books and a video with my new library card and then played on the playground. At first is was just E, and then a little boy who apparently has autism and gets along with E showed up, and then a bunch of other kids. It was nice, and a good break from the insane behaviour E has been exhibiting lately. I don't get it! Mostly it's whenever C is around; probably because C is back at work now after 2 weeks home, so E is adjusting to that, but it sure makes life unpleasant with the random screaming fits. I'm really just writing this to keep up with the writing every day deal, otherwise I wouldn't have written at all, but there you go.
Oh! Cam's older sibling's grandmother got a call from someone claiming that his oldest brother, her grandson, was in prison. In Canada. and needed bail money. riiiiiight. Last month someone called my grandmother at 2am claiming to be a coyote who had her people and demanded money. She told him off because, excuse me? Our Mexican relatives don't cross illegally, thanks. Interesting scam though. That's it for today.

what happened

On Sunday night someone very close to me decided to overdose on pills rather than face a huge mess she had created over the course of a year. She is fine, and while I am somewhat numb to what happened due to my experience with other people's suicide attempts in the past it threw everyone else in the house upside down for a while. Now that we are recovering from the trauma of what she did that night they are working through the things that were exposed and figuring out where they stand with her now that they are hearing the truth.
The thing is, if she had just been honest all along, everything would have been avoided. The anger, the jealousy, the emotional devastation, and the attempt to run away from it with pills. Yet at the same time I don't think she has learned anything. I've said it often; she "doesn't have learning experiences." That's the truly sad part; that those of us who love her can do nothing but watch her 'get away with' more and more while self-destructing. What then?

peacekeeping

is very time-consuming. I think I'm done; we'll see if the drama is any less tomorrow. :(

day 1

Today was really interesting. And then DRAMA HIT EVERYBODY. The end.

pause to reflect

I read a lot of blogs; amazing blogs, funny ones, introspective, thought-provoking. The majority of the writers have 2+ children, and manage to write quite frequently. How? I barely manage to finish my laundry on a given day, and forget managing a shower regularly! I am overwhelmed, still, and I truly would love to know how other people just manage, because I can't seem to.

Also, how to decide what to write about? I've asked this before, why do people write, why record? What do we pass on, and why? How permanent, how impermanent, important, unimportant. I get stuck, I stop, I wonder "why?" or "should I?" I just don't know. But I do know that maybe someday one of my children will want some idea of what life was like for me, and I would like to give them more than the hazy "well, I don't know. I worked/took care of you/ ate pancakes/whatever" that are most recollections. Silly? Yes. But I want to give my kids everything else, so why not this?

I harvested from the quince tree out back yesterday; I managed to get about 2/3 of the fruit that was still good with E's help; there is a bit left on the tree but L woke up so E and I packed up our big bag full of fruit and went inside to cuddle with the baby. I had wanted to make membrillo, but I don't have suitable containers for it, so instead we bought jars at the store today while we were out and I am going to try to make jelly tomorrow. I may wind up making jam if I don't find any strainers. Whatever! At least the fruit isn't going to rot on the ground again this year, so success!

C brought my bike from Antioch, and I am going to reattach the child seat and take E for bike rides again; at least, I will try. I had no idea how heavy that bike would be when I ordered it; wow! Kat's child seat is still around (20 years!) So I am going to attach that to one of the other bikes around here and inform C that he now has a bike. :) There is also a three-wheeler out back that I would LOVE to fix up; then I could wheel both boys around. When we move to a community that we love I plan to use it to run errands; I'm really excited, making plans again, thinking about what places are out there for us. I know we'll wind up in the right spot, I just wonder where it will be, and I know that it is not here. At least I'm starting to feel at peace about it all again, and comfortable just trusting that G-d will work it all out; again, as always. I'm just so good at worrying that sometimes I forget that I don't need to.

I'm getting back into sewing/crafting, and I have some ideas for what I want to do to 'make money'; really, it's more of an outlet for my need to create and design, and if people like it and want to pay for it then so much the better, but I am not going to let other people talk me into charging 'what hte market can bear'. I ask for enough to cover my expenses and make it worht my time, that's it! I don't see the need to take whatever I can from other people. I'm working on letting go; we have so much I feel like I am swimming in stuff; our stuff, my parent's stuff, my grandmother's stuff. I'm slowly packing up their stuff while I unpack and pare down my own, but I am just so hedged in at this point that I must get rid of as much as possible just to be able to relax. and yet! Every day it is easier to give away something more. Just a little bit at a time, bags of food, boxes of things, piles of clothes, all going, all hopefully making some other lives easier. Not happier, stuff doesn't make you happier. I think having your needs met just frees you to enjoy your actual LIFE, and that is what makes you happy, not the stuff in it. Yes? Something along those lines. I don't like how I phrased that but it is past 11pm and I really should be getting to bed. ah, insomnia, my old friend. :)

Everything is getting better; E is a stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, affectionate, stubborn little boy, and L is one demanding, teasing, sweet little baby, and every day they get a little older, things get a little easier (even when I can't see that in the moment) and I breathe a little easier while missing their babyhood just a little more. slowly, slowly, slowly. I have a few things I need to complete, but that will be done by the time we head to Puerto Rico, and then I can let go of that chapter of my life completely; focus on something new. In the meantime, I really do just need to breathe. good night.

on recording

Often when I think of bringing a camera with me, or ordering prints, or placing those prints into albums, or even just sharing images online, I hesitate with a why?
why record these moments? why record any moments?
In essence I feel just a bit like I'm trying to immortalise seomthing that cannot be immortalised. we are so transient, our children's childhoods so extremely fleeting, and even one generation removed can't really understand or relive those captured moments. So why do it?
If only for myself, I suppose, it's worth it. At least, that's how I justify adding to the ephemera in our lives. Because I cry while taking in my precious seconds of baby softness and toddler passions, and I know every moment that this will be gone and I will never, ever recapture it. no matter how many photos I take.
But I will take those photos anyhow.

Happy birthday, little love. I already miss you as you were, even though I love you as you are.

some fun

We went to my parent's house a couple weeks ago, and E got to scavenge for plums and play in the sprinkler. He was one happy, happy kid.

note to self:

stop giving E anything caffeinated. It's only hilarious for the first 2 hours of crazy, then it's just dangerous (for everyone else in the room). Holy moly.

On a related note: stop with the chocolate already. danger! danger!

update

I keep reading all these posts apologising for not posting too often. I think I win as far as not posting very often. So here's a rundown of what I've been up to:

Graduated (sort of. not discussing the sort of part right now) and the ceremony was really fun. Had a vegetarian bbq afterward, everyone loved it.

I have help staying with me. I think it is more stressful than not having help. We'll see. May just be the hormones.

Speaking of, I am very hormonal right now. It sucks. I don't know how other people deal with it. I am hoping when this kid comes out it will take these hormones with it, because I do not want them.

Building on the house is now over a month behind schedule. But! We have flooring ready to go.

Got a speeding ticket. Damn it.

DMV can't find there behinds with their own hands, and claim we still owe them money. They are wrong, and we have a receipt to prove it. Monday should be fun.

Trying to choose a Mohel. fun. No idea what one costs, and we probably can't really afford one anyway.

Being pressured to buy a car. I really, really don't have time to shop for a car. Meanwhile our car needed new brake pads, and since I am round and incapable and C is inexperienced it got stupid expensive. Not happy.

I have a pizza. yay!

I'm...done?

Friday was my last written final, ever. Unless I decide to go back to school, but I am not sure grad school had finals and community college is not currently on my list of places to return. I'm slightly relieved, but more anxious, because I KNOW I did horribly on it. I have to turn in a paper by Wednesday (not a problem) and perform a skit that same afternoon (also not a problem) and that skit is the only thing that can possibly save me from failing. I don't actually know if it can, but I am hoping really, really, really hard.
Other than that, we are officially living paycheck to paycheck, with supplemental bill-paying from savings, and I am actually ok with that. Yes, the economy sucks, but C has a job, which already makes us better off than a lot of people, and he still has options that could be even better, so I'm pretty relaxed on that front.
E apparently is lactose-intolerant, since he has been a screamy, tantrum-filled and gassy little man ever since this past weekend, when we gave him cheese again for the first time in months, and then compounded the problem by going to costco and buying more. We now have about 3 pounds of cheese and neither of us want to it it. E still does, as I have passed on not only my intolerance of the stuff but also my uncontrollable passion for it. Poor kid. Poor us. No more cheese. I tell myself this all the time, and then I go and buy more. *sigh*
My sister moves in on Monday! I am so excited! Really, truly. Even if all it means is that I can get in a second nap each day while he runs around outside, supervised, it will be heavenly. She is super helpful though, so I know it'll be nice.
That is all.

May resolution

My may resolution is to Breathe and Budget.
I've been giving myself far too much stress over things; our finances, my grades, more finances, our future, imaginary spiders, etc when I shouldn't be. We are fine. We are more than fine. We are great. Everything just works out for us; it always has and I need to keep trusting that it will. Not that we throw caution to the wind and blow paychecks on nights out, but I just need to relax. When I do and actually give myself little spots of time to work I feel so much clearer and happier. I've been productive and actually felt as though I am accomplishing things lately, and I need to enjoy the moment. Speaking of the moment, E is laying his head on my leg and kissing my knee. I think it's time for some focused cuddling with my son. ciao!

gardening and writing

A few weeks ago I commented to C that I wanted to clear out our lot in the community garden and plant some veggies this year. Which really means I wanted him to clear it out, since my belly +stooping+ chicken wire +toddler bent on destruction would not have been a good combination. He said that we should just spend this year planning and working on the beds at the new house and not worry about. So of course a few days later I planted a bunch of seeds in little gathered pots and put them on the sill. E threw 3 of them onto the floor (goodbye tomatoes, eggplant, and mystery pot that he ate the label from!) but quite a few have sprouted since he lost interest. Corn was the first, then basil (planted specifically for C; he LOVES pesto) and squash. The other day we were driving home and noticed that the UCSC plant sale was still going; with the miserable weather we're having suddenly I doubted they had much business, so we stopped and took a look. I bought 4 plants: eggplant, potato, summer squash and zucchini (C. LOVES zucchini). When we got home, around 7, I looked up info on the plant sale and found it was only supposed to run until 2pm. We were lucky that the rain had kept away the crowds, or they would have packed up hours earlier! Now I'm just waiting for the sun to come out long enough to actually clear the garden and get these plants into the ground. They should all be harvestable by mid-July, so I'm not worried about leaving producing plants behind, but eve if a few are still going when we leave I have a few neighbours who I am sure would welcome some productive additions to their own garden plots. :)
As for the writing; on 4/20 UC administrators tried to threaten me with arrest for selling water to stoners. Long story. I've finally finished the letter that I've been working on since I got home that day. While I didn't know I was doing anything wrong at the time, my problem is not that I was reprimanded; I do recognise that regulations need to be enforced. However, it was the way the incident was handled that saddened and angered me, so I put my thoughts into a letter that I'll be sending to Pres. Yudof, Chancellor Blumenthal, and whatever interested print media will publish it. I'll post it here too once I've had someone who is a little less biased read it over as well. I would hate to have my message undermined by sloppy or obscure writing. I feel like a weight is off of me now; so now I'm off to protest rent hikes, budget mismanagement and teacher layoffs. Regular hotbed of activity over here!

the bento is back

Ha! So! I made dinner! Tasty, tasty sushi rolls, with cream cheese, sesame seeds, omelet, pickled beets and raw zucchini (which all this time I thought were cucumbers. Since they were supposed to be cucumbers). So, so good. Now I'm just waiting for C to get home. In about an 1.5 hours. I went ahead and packed him a bento for tomorrow, because nothing motivates me to get in the kitchen like having a paper due two days ago and a kanji test tomorrow. Yes! I also cleaned the kitchen and put away all of E's diapers. I am also knitting a hat. Also probably the matching booties. Yet, I have managed to write more on this paper this weekend than I managed all last week. I am just that awesome. Pretty bento! Yay! I'm also giving him a banana, because I really doubt this will get him through an 8-hour day.


I also spent $100+ on maternity clothes, because I finally admitted there is no way I am going to have the energy to make them before I need them.

stress relief

I spend way WAY too much time reading blogs, but, you know what? It's relaxing. It's my way to disconnect from all the crazy in my life and just enjoy reading snippets for a bit. I don't play video games and I don't watch movies (at least, not in one sitting. If I can't sit through a tv show, a movie is out of the question), and until I can get back to actually making things (which I find a LOT more relaxing; and fulfilling) I'm just going to keep on reading my blogs, except now without guilt. And when Bloglines is empty and no one updates within 5 minutes, I am going to keep on finding NEW blogs to read. Yes indeedy do.
On a somewhat related (at least in my mind) note, my MIL always laughs when I finish our conversations with "okie dokie!" I wonder why that is? :)
On a sad note, Malta is not celiac friendly. Which is very sad, especially since I am having ot face the fact that I might actually be the source of E's celiac issues. But for right now, I have a case of malta and a box of matzah to get through, and when those are gone we are all completely gluten-free, so until then, bottom's up! *glug-glug-glug*
oooh, I should really take my vitamins. I am so darn healthy.

Passover!

That was fun! Not only are we now gluten-free (although we have two really big boxes to food to give away that we didn't manage before Pesach) but I really enjoyed myself this year. K joined me for a seder down at Chabad, and C stayed home with E. Apparently that was the worst night for E's cold, unfortunately, but I got the night off, so, yay! Anyhow, this being my first sober seder I forgot how long it took to get the the food. K was drunk after the first glass and going a little nuts; it was hilarious. Sarah was visiting, I am so glad! I miss her when she goes back to NY; I am hoping to convince her to come back in July to see the babies (mine and DL's). That should be enough incentive, no?
Got a lot of news this afternoon; loft construction begins 4/20; a cousin is due with her first baby a month after me; MIL and BIL are both getting 40 hours a week at work (yay!); SIL is interviewing for Principal (we all really REALLY hope she gets it) and if she does they will be moving closer to the house. Classes are going well, and I am getting over this newest cold very quickly. All in all, a very good few days. Right now I am cooking up Karina's Moroccan Coconut & Chickpea Soup, and so far it is DELICIOUS. C should be on his way home from work, and then it's suppertime. YUM.

celiac obsessiveness

Wow, so, rather than spend my day studying (I will later!) I took E to a playgroup and then started researching celiac disease. Frankly, I feel vindicated. The sudden mood changes, dark under-eye circles and stunted growth were what initially made me wonder, but when we decided to take him off of wheat again even after the allergy tests came back negative we had a rough bit (which we are still going through) which made me question myself. After all, his rash cleared up after giving him wheat again, and came back after cutting it out again. Now I find that celiac is linked to a type of dermatitis, and it looks EXACTLY like what he had (he is currently almost completely cleared up, without drugs or a return to wheat). The sudden mood deterioration of this past week along with digestive problems? A common result of the body trying to heal itself. The more the initial damage, the more dramatic the seeming relapses, but really it's just the body clearing out stuff that it wasn't dealing with beforehand and finding a new balance. The more I learn the more confident I am that we made the right decision. Now I'm wondering, should I cut out oats too? Hmmmmm. Should I wait for this seeming lactose-intolerance to go away (as it may be a side-effect of the celiac) or just take him off of dairy too? Should I calm down? Maybe. However, I know that there is still something going on, and trusting my gut last time has removed a major source of pain from my son's diet, so I think that I'll jsut keep doing what I'm doing. After all, a healthy, happy life is the most I can give him, so why not give him the best I can?

April resolution

Yay, time for another resolution! I don't remember if I made one for March, which means if I did I sure didn't stick with it. I'll go back and check later. perhaps.
Soooo this month. hmmm. I think this month my resolution will be to get my head on straight. I've been loopy, and not in a good way, and getting loopier. I know a lot of it is hormones and stress and blah blah blahdiblah. Still; I need to get control over my reactions (or rather, overreactions) before things get bad. So! A couple of steps to this, I suppose.
1) diet: we're working on this already. I say this after chugging down a Malta, but hey, it's my only vice. It's my only vice because we don't have any sweets in the house, otherwise I would probably be giving in to my cravings for MILKSHAKES. NEED A MILKSHAKE.
2)vitamins and supplements: I really really need to take my vitamins every single day. So far I've managed 3 days in a row. woohoo! I'm also adding in Blessed Thistle for my crazies and Capsicum because I am just so cold and tired all the time. ugh.
3)find a more productive outlet for my mood swings than rage, loathing or self-pity. This will probably involve actually talking about my issues with another person. I am very very bad at this. I always feel like I'm being annoying when I complain, but keeping it all in is not good for anyone around here.
4)exercise: yay wii fit! I also managed to get us out on a long walk last week; I'll see if I can manage that again this week. Maybe tomorrow morning? I can use it as an excuse to 'try out the new stroller'. yes.

Other things:
Stop stressing about the House. I'm freaking out because I feel like we're no longer welcome there and I wonder if it's all a huge mistake and augh augh stress cry obsess. It's probably all in my head, but even if it isn't, we (and yes, it has to be 'we') need to be proactive on this and figure things out rather than freaking out (me) or sort-of complain to nobody (him)
Clean the apartment, because it is making me crazy. Seriously. I cry when I'm faced with the mess and, honestly, it's not even that bad! This is another area where I need to communicate my needs, since at this point a clean home IS a need, rather than freak out by myself over the fact that I just vaccummed why is there stuff on the floor laundry augh dirty bowl in the sink!!!!! Not really productive.
On top of that I need to keep on top of school. That's pretty much a given; even when I was really sick and exhausted and sad last quarter I kept up with all my assignments; it's not something I just give up on, ever, especially with the goal in sight (yay graduation! Pictures cost how much?) so I'll just keep on keepin on in that arena. Ok, now I'm going to go take my vitamins, clean, and study a bit. Oh and change E's diaper. This kid REEKS.

mmm lunch

Our plan to change our family's eating habits is going pretty well. I planned out a menu for this week and C bought the groceries needed for it. At some point I will plan out the rest of the month as well. Oh, and study. hahahaa. Alright, I'll try to plan out the rest of the month, but menu planning is HARD when one's appetite is erratic (hooray pregnancy), one only wants CHEE (cheese) or CRACKA (granola bar/cracker/banana/cheese), and the third will eat 'whatever'. :)
However! We are trying and doing pretty well. Yesterday C made a delicious salad and some fried potatoes and, shockingly, the potatoes were completely upstaged by the salad. Wow. We also discovered C likes kale (he was feeling adventurous at the grocery store and picked some up. It's much better than him picking up other random foods, like cookies), which is great! As for today, well, I had plans for lunch and dinner but I chose both recipes out of the book C is currently reading, and which is at work with him, so lunch today is salad as well! Dinner will be sushi, so that's easy, just took some rearranging of the menu. I'm so flexible like that. ok, I'm actually just really hungry like that.
We're also eating down all of our 'junk food', which in our case means crackers, cheese and a box of Pocky I got as a surprise for C. Can you believe that? Our junk food is crackers? Weird. C also picked up a package of pita because the book recommended them and he forgot about Pesach. It's cool though, we've been using it to eat through the random tub of hummus we have. Once Pesach is over we will also be a gluten-free household. That's going to be huge, especially since last night the only thing I wanted was crackers. (Which I ate. yum.) So I need to get on the ball with finding alternatives that are not only gluten-free but healthy. Nothing like choosing the right time for a major life change! Like, right before 2 others! At the beginning of my final quarter! Awesome! At least we know we can survive on cut veggies if we both get to overwhelmed to actually cook anything. E will adjust.

In E news (not E!News) he is doing better still, except he looks like a prize fighter now because he fell off a trike into a grate, and then face-first into stairs at the playground. Poor kid has bruises all over his face, a slight black eye and what looks like a scraped chin but is actually a horrible bruise. Today C made a crack about CPS showing up and I said that no, they wouldn't, because both incidents occurred in front of witnesses. Nothing raises your parenting cred like having your kid bust his face right in front of you while other parents are standing nearby. Lord knows what his face will look like when we are actually distracted by the new baby. yeesh. Oh, and my sister thinks he swallowed a pen cap a few days ago, which would explain his complete outrage at any bms lately. We're waiting to see on that one. woohooo. Alright! Nap time!

calm before the headlong rush to June

Yesterday we went back up to the house, unloaded a whole bunch of stuff, enjoyed a lovely lunch at Mountain Mike's, got the car smogged ($$) and bought paint for E's room. C started taking down the horribly installed crown molding and I started painting the closet, none of which I photographed. That's ok! It was a really, really good day.
The main wonderful part was the E was HAPPY. He was calm, he was playful, he was wonderful. It's like we have our baby back again. It also confirms our suspicions that he has celiac disease, as after the allergy tests confirmed he does not have a wheat allergy we started giving him bread again and he turned into a hissing, screaming, angry, hysterical little monster. No, I'm not exaggerating; he was horrible. I decided enough is enough and we stopped giving him anything with wheat on Wednesday. That day he managed to get a cookie from somewhere, but was still much improved; by Friday he was a joy to be around, again.
Because of this we are going gluten-free, especially since based on C's own health history we both are starting to suspect that he also has celiac disease, and looking at his family we think there may be a few more suffers in there. My first instinct is to rush in and start cooking for everyone BUT one person at a time. C also started reading Dr. Fuhrman's 'Disease Proof Your Child' and is excited to start improving our health for E's sake.
It's great; I feel like we are really getting on the same page food-wise now, and we've already agreed that occasional lapses are not only ok, but need to be scheduled in (i.e., pizza; C's occasional chicken cravings, our familial cheese addiction). So now I am trying to get rid of anything with gluten in the house. It looks like I will be baking a lot of gift cookies :) Oh, and we also just bought matzah. Yay, guess I know what I'll be snacking on for the next month; good thing we have hummus!

In other news, baby went from measuring 2 weeks behind to 2 weeks ahead. Even though I have not gained a pound since my first appt. at 8 weeks this kiddo is growing just fine, so that's a nice reassurance that I'm doing well nutritionally. Also, this week I have had 4 different people ask me if I was going to find out the gender and then try to convince me it's a good idea. I don't even know these people; it's not like they would get the share in the news; weird! I'm going to go play with my son now, before classes start up again (Monday! Augh!)

it comes as no surprise...

...that occasionally, things just suck when you are pregnant. By 'you' I mean me and my stupid melodrama-enhanced issues. Everything I do, or rather, try to do, these days just winds up frustrating me. Example: today!
We are planning to go up to the new house tomorrow, so we were going to borrow the van and pack it full of stuff. Well, we can't 'borrow' the van; my mom is willing to bring it over and go with us and take the van back home afterward. Cool! Works for us! Except it HASN'T. She was supposed to come this morning, so C could help load it before he had to work. Instead, she decided she wants to bring my sister K to help out. Ok, fine. Except K has an appointment tomorrow that she has to reschedule instead. So I spent ALL DAY sitting around, waiting to find out what the plans were NOW, so I could re-plan my own day. I was supposed to go to the store with DL to get paint. I was supposed to go to the grocery store and get food. I was supposed to have a somewhat relaxed day with my Mom deciding what to pack up. Instead, I finally head out alone with E late in the afternoon to run errands. We got as far as the paint store. I did not get paint. I instead got a full-on toddler meltdown because he wanted, ughh, I don't even KNOW. My best guess is he wanted to play in the parking lot. Tough, kid. Back in the car, back home, I get a message that they want to come in the morning instead. UM. Cue sobbing. I had PLANS, people, and not just plans for today, which have all gone to hell, I had plans for TOMORROW, which included picking up the new stroller and painting E's room and getting the car smogged because we HAVE to plus I NEED TO STUDY and damn it all tomorrow is just going to suck too. It just is, as much as they say 'oh, you won't have to load anything' moving is not just loading and unloading, and I know that now not even half of what we were going to do is going to get done and I'm just disappointed and emotional and there is nothing I can do about it GAH.
Also I can't post any pictures I have because they are all on my external which has decided not to turn on anymore. GAH.
Also C keeps trying to buy bread products. Passover! a week or so away! I do not want to eat any more bagels right now thanks!
Also E is being a PIA and even though he is much better now that we, again, took him off of wheat, I am tired of dealing with it just go to bed or something for the love of all that is holy.
Ok, I think I'm going to go feel sorry for myself some more while worrying about the effects of my tantrums on the emotional makeup of my unborn child. Fun. Times.

bedtime?

reason why C should, perhaps, NOT be reading the bedtime book:
adding explosions to the end of each page doesn't exactly add a 'calming atmosphere' to the event. It DOES add hysterical giggling (from C) and confusion (from E).
...
"It's midnight. Do you know where you child is?"
Yes, I do. He's kicking my face.

birthdays and cookies

Yesterday E turned 18 months. As he gets older these month markers aren't as dramatic, but this one, now that he's officially "a year and a half" I've been looking forward to. He's close enough to the 'terrible twos' that his tantrums and acting out just look normal to other parents (not that we are encouraging them); it's nice not to have to say "he's very advanced" all the time. He can be lumped together with the older kids and no one bats an eyelash, and it is wonderful. I miss my little baby sometimes, but this kid is so wacky and fun, and honestly sometimes it's hard to remember the tiny baby, so I'm hanging on to these moments while I can.

C's birthday is today; 25! Yay! I got him 'Cowbell Hero' and 'I need more Cowbell' t-shirts. Part of it was because he LOVES that SNL skit, and part of it is because he was driving me crazy with it during my crankiest and he was nice enough to STOP. MENTIONING. COWBELLS. at the time, so this was a combined apology/thank you/happy birthday gift. I'm just so good at multipurposing things that way.

I'm hosting a little dinner in his honor on Sunday, and today, hopefully, I will make a TON of hamentaschen. I'm so excited; it's the first time I'm making them completely on my own, and I am looking forward to good things. I'm also glad I can make a batch for E that is gluten-free, so he can join in the yummy fun too, especially as we will be having a very sober Purim this year. Next year? Alcoholic hamentaschen. Oh yes.

getting there

We signed the closing papers on the house Friday! Yay! While it isn't where we plan to wind up, it's a nice house in a nice neighborhood. Now on to phase two: remodeling! The front room is two stories, so we are going to put in a loft. By 'we' I mean V (MIL) is going to find a contractor to do it, since I am too baby-full and time-crunched to actually do anything construction oriented at this point and C, well, C just plain isn't interested. But! There are plenty of things we will be doing. Once we relocate the closet in our new room (the current closet has to be removed to give access to the loft) we will paint and lay in new flooring. Currently the entire upstairs is carpeted, and I refuse to deal with wall-to-wall carpeting anymore. I REALLY don't get the appeal in that. Anyhow! E's room is getting painted by the end of this month, and I hope to start on the yard as well. One side yard is going to be raised beds. The other side is currently filled with Jasmine; we're going to tear out about 1/2 of it, install some other vines (I'm thinking raspberries, maybe some grapes, depending on the soil/drainage conditions) and hopefully clear space for a little play house). M&J (SIL & BIL) are moving and giving us their play structure, so that will take about half the lawn area, and that leaves a nice amount of lawn and some mystery fruit trees. I'm pretty sure they are apples, but I couldn't tell when I saw them as there weren't any leaves yet. The front yard has a swath of rosemary I'm trying to save, since it is filled with bees (I love bees!) and V & M both want to tear it out BECAUSE of the bees. No! We need bees!

Anyhow, those are the plans for now. In the meantime I need to get back to actually passing my classes. This month has been rough, with the 3-week cold from hell which I followed up by giving everyone food poisoning. Awesome. Baby is doing well, at least, although starting to slow down in growth, which pushes my due date back. Which we expected to happen, so yeah. Kiddo is looking right on schedule for me; that is, late! E is watching the Incredibles, so I better finish writing that paper. That really pointless paper for the worst class I have ever taken. What a way to wind up my college career, right?

I love...

the Hillshire Farms commercials. C and I say the chants to each other. They are AWESOME.

Why yes, I have been a vegetarian for 16 years. What of it?

illness

I am so tired of being sick. I've been sick constantly since November; generally just a general feeling of being under-the-weather, but I keep picking up these viruses without a genuine period of healthy respite between them and it is exhausting. and infuriating! and then I take a nap. Currently the cold-from-hell is putting the kibosh into my plans to get ahead with school, or even function normally. Thankfully E seems to be recovering well, but i am genuinely starting to wonder: am I ever going to be healthy in the near future? woe is me, I know, but I just had 4 hours of sleep and feel worse than when I laid down for the nap, so my brain isn't doing so well. It seems to be swollen, and invading my ears. wah wah wah. It's time for another nap.

february resolutions

I love my wii fit! Really. It's awesome, even with the sometimes snarky comments. "You seem a little shaky" "That test really wasn't your strong suit" Really Ms. Wii-trainer? I just fell off the board. I was WONDERING why that was.
It's been a lot of fun though, so keeping to an every-day routine has not been hard at all. The only problem is my competitive spirit.
Me: "Augh! Why do you still have the high score?"
C:"What's wrong? You did good! This isn't a competition."
Me: "..."
C: "Who am I kidding. This is totally a competition."

However! I don't think this will be my resolution. I think my resolution this month will be" get and stay ahead of the game. The school game. Not the life game. I don't see that one happening until E enters college. Or maybe gets married. Or hits 40. But! School I can do. Right now I am just keeping up, so I know with a little push I can get ahead and cut down on my stress. Or not, seeing as E has decided to start screaming at me. aaaaand now he's earned a time-out. and is working on another one. ugh.

resolutions

So, I did make a 'new year's resolution', mostly because I felt it needed to be done for the sake of sanity. Mine was:
Do NOT scream at E. Anymore. Ever again.
yelling, well, that's another story, and frankly I doubt I will ever be able to not yell at him, especially in an emergency. But the fact was his screaming meltdowns were leading to me screaming back, and it was just not good. For my throat, my sanity, or his happiness. Or my happiness, for that matter. So I stopped. It's been really good. He's still a champion screamer, especially at 3am (sorry neighbours. really, we are so sorry) but at least it's not a reaction to me and I feel a lot more in control dealing with his random meltdowns. So I'm thinking maybe a monthly resolution would be a good idea. I'm just going to try to think one up in the next few days.

New stuff

Wow! So, almost a month. How time flies when you are overwhelmed and wondering what day it is. Actually, I feel like my life is once again achieving some semblance of order, and things are calming down.
On the offspring front, E has a bacterial eye infection and I am 17 weeks pregnant. Whoohoo! I'm glad the first trimester fatigue has passed just in time for Winter quarter and a perpetually sick toddler. Seriously, where does he get these illnesses? He doesn't go to daycare! He plays with us, 24/7. Eye infection? wth? Bebe2 is thankfully growing along nicely, gearing up to join our little house of chaos sometime in July. My good friend is due 2 weeks after me, so, if things go as I expect we'll probably deliver at the same time. Or not. Who knows.
School is good. Not great, not bad, just eh. Frankly, I am just focused on that June finish line at this point, so as long as I maintain at least a C average, I am out of here. Either way, I'm out of here, as I have exceeded both maximum allowable credits, maximum allowable quarters, and financial aid, all of which end in June. Soooo I had better leave here with that degree.
In other news, we bought a house to move into in August .More on that later. It is so all-consuming for me right now that I can't even begin to frame coherent sentences. Gah. Here's a pic I stole off the internet since I forgot to take any good ones myself. ta-ta

Happy Hanukah!

Here's to more Light and Joy to come!

Who are you judging?

Forewarning: Jew rant! If you aren't Jewish, well, this may not be interesting to you at all. If you are, well, it may be just a little interesting.

I recently came across an interesting post by the descendant of an Anusim on Daas Torah: http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2008/08/descendants-of-marranos-anusim-iii.html

Before I get started here I want to thank Nancy for posting that. Like Nancy, I am also a descendant of Puerto Rican Anusim (on my father's side-so hi! we're cousins!) and Mexican anusim on my mother's side.

Now then, I am pissed off by the responders that took apart her post point by point and 'refuted' it. First, that person does not actually know what they are talking about. ncyid enough to reply to those points, and someone again tried to refute what she had to say. Um, get over yourself? Customs need to be entirely and absolutely Jewish in origin? Stop cutting your son's hair on their 3rd birthday then. Have fun researching the rest of your customs too, you might be surprised. Even horrified! Fun for the whole family!

Second, as someone descended from people who fought and struggled to hold on to who they were, some of whom very recently began to give up only to have people in my generation say "wait! This is important!" how dare anyone question if we should be 'part of the Jewish people', or as another poster put it, although more compassionately, 'rejoin the Jewish people'. Excuse me? Rejoin? If y'all want Rabbinic sanction on us, then make it happen. I'm more than willing to do whatever little dance a rabbi thinks I should do to convince them that, 'yeah, really Jewish!' for the sake of my kids, but dude, treating us like outsiders? Like Gentiles who aren't actually Jewish? Step off. I know who I am, I know who my family is, and I'm going to raise my kids to be PROUD of who they are, thankyouverymuch.

Third, 8 generations of documentation isn't enough for you? Oh really? How far back is your documentation? Where did you get that straight blonde hair? How about those sparkling blue eyes? Don't tell me your bloodline is 'pure' and then tell me and my cousins that having actual written records of where our family comes from that it isn't 'enough' because YOUR rabbis can't agree with each other (Sephardi rabbis FTW!). You want documentation? How about our genealogies. Heck, how about a DNA test? (MtDNA For the win, I did it, you can too!) Makes me wonder how many of my 'accepted' brethren would pass a DNA test? (I'll still accept you! Much love!) I'm not sorry we didn't live in a shtetl, I unashamedly do not teach my son Yiddish (Ladino for us, thanks, bye) and our history and struggles are just as real as any other group of our people. We are Sephardi and PROUD OF IT, so whatever issues you have with having to prove just how Jewish you are, keep them to yourself. You want to change the world? You want to make sure our people don't disappear and that horrific acts like the Holtzbergs deaths mean something? a Jew is a Jew. Accept it, get over it, and figure out how to bring us all together instead of trying your hardest to continue to keep us all apart. Peace out! (Oh yeah, and? PR Jews FTW!!!!!)

Next time: Hanukah! Yay! Much happier ;)

C is reading Twilight...

Me: We have a beautiful son.
C: Yeah. Maybe we should have named him Edward.
Me:...
Me: I am blogging that.

(Side note: He is actually named for his grandfather, Edward. Just not actually Edward. It's a Jewish thing. Also, a confusing thing. As in: "Oh! What an unusual name! Is he named after anyone?" "Yes, his grandfather, Edward." "Oh...um...how?")

another commercial

(Scene: watching the Burn Notice season finale. Which was AWESOME.)
C: That's right I keep forgetting he was a navy seal. You know, I don' really think about SEALs as spies.
C: Although, they do have all those commercials that are like "How many men are in this scene. Too late, you're already dead. Sucks to be you. NAVY SEALS."
C: I should totally write commercials or the military.
N: Them and the corn industry.

girl talk?

I wrote this in response to a blog on Momformation, and thought it should go here as well. There's girl-talk, and then there is just people-bashing, and I very much feel they are different. I personally work very hard to keep any complaints about my husband very general and minimal, and prefer to vent about the aspect that's making me upset (instead of "Augh, he never does ANYTHING around here!" I go with "Augh, I can't stand this mess!" or "The baby is driving me CRAZY.") I have two reasons for this: 1) so that I am more likely to actually talk to my husband about issues I'm having rather than venting behind his back and 2) Because I remember the exact day my mom went from listening to the other girl scout moms bashing their husbands to actually joining in. Within a year she was miserable, 'trapped', dissatisfied and shrewish, and every week she had new things to complain about to her 'girlfriends'. Oh, and she stopped talking to my dad and starting barking at him instead. The effects on their marriage of her 'harmless venting' has been years of emotional fallout for both my parents and us three children. It shut down communication in the entire family, and they are working hard now to try and open back up to each other after years of nagging, resentment and 'keeping it all in'. I would much rather not wind up in that situation to begin with. Seems to be along the lines of loshon hora?

HFCS is, like, TOTALLY ok.

C: I saw another one of those high-fructose corn syrup commercials today.
N: Oh?
C: Yeah, it was like,
lady: look, popsicles.
dude: but, like, high-fructose corn syrup. uh, durrrrr.
lady: yeah, whatever.
dude: waaaah, I'm fat, why didn't you bring enough for me?
N: ...
C: YES!! *drinks root beer*

daring bakers, ciao

I am no longer a Daring Baker, unfortunately. Too many issues logging in which meant I have not been able to participate for a while, coupled with my desire to go food shopping a maximum of once a month and some really pricey ingredients (occasionally) mean I am going back to just being an observer. I may try some of the challenges after the fact, but I am cutting out the stresses in my life and when cooking becomes stressful it just causes indigestion. So, go bakers! I enjoy seeing your culinary journeys. I hope to be able to join in again someday.

heading into fall...

Classes start in about two weeks, and for the first time I am taking a class that I care nothing about and one that I am terrified about. Of course, if I would sit down and study instead of surfing the net...or sleeping...I wouldn't be so apprehensive. So, if E stays asleep once I hit publish I will go and do that. Or maybe clean the kitchen.
Our month of no spending made it to almost 2 months of no spending, which was pretty amazing for us. E decided yesterday to break C's phone, unfortunately, and I do mean break, so we went to the mall (augh!) and got him a new one. At least he was eligible for upgrade. Unfortunately, we did not get a free-upgrade phone. Nope, my tech-junkie hubby got an iPhone. Which, granted, is a blast to play with and I lurve it, but still. Not necessary. I also decided that when I upgrade (as my phone has been having issues for quite a while, such as turning off randomly, battery not working, battery not charging, sim card not registering, etc.) I will not be getting an iPhone for myself. I saw a cute little phone I would like instead, and if they have a similar one that is *free* I'll get that. I am waiting until my phone really truly dies though. We also returned to Costco and, amazingly, didn't buy much. Still more than we really needed, but about 1/2 of what we used to buy. Baby steps, indeed. That should be it for a while, it helps to stay away from stores though. Oh, right, C needs shoes. Because his are broken (how does his stuff get broken so fast) and then we are done. Oh, wait, we need to repair his bike. I think we are truly done then? I already know what I am making for gifts for the holidays/birthdays, I just need to get on that. Oh, right, and no-shopping does not apply to food, although really we have so much food that I manage to put it off for over a month each time. We are really blessed.
We are entering phase 2: get rid of all this crap! We were in our friend's nice, almost-empty apartment the other day, and when we came back I said "I'm jealous of A&B's place. C agreed; "yeah, what IS all this crap?" So I am going through and getting rid. Baby stuff has to wait until almost the end of the month; Jellibeanz takes trade-in, so I'll be going there and then whatever they don't take I am donating to Sienna House, which is where I donated my maternity clothes and whatever non-kosher food we get in our food bundles. I am also tempted to give the trade-in voucher to A&B for baby K, but we'll see.
The main problem with our place is my stuff. My craft stuff, actually. I just have so much of it, and it is taking up way too much space. A lot of it is going to become gifts and stuff for my etsy shop (once I sell my patterns I am going to turn it into a real shop) but still, way too much. I realised the other day that I actually detest doing papier-mache, so I recycled all the supplies. This may not seem like much, but I was raised by a packrat daughter of a packrat to be a packrat, and it is HARD to undo that many years of training. Seriously, my grandmother has an apartment full of stuff, and half a house full of stuff. My mom is almost as bad. I am going to get there, but it takes some doing. Ok, a lot of doing. My big problem with getting rid of stuff is finding some place to donate it. Craft supplies, for the most part, I can't recycle, and I know if I can't find a taker it will just go in the trash and I cannot STAND knowing that perfectly usable items are going to the dump. Ugh. Oh right, and all those patterns? (I have rescued close to 400 from going into the garbage) I have decided I am DONE storing them. The truly vintage are going on etsy, the rest I am dividing into manageable bundles of kind and giving them away. Hi, Freecycle! You are my friend! There's a burden off my mind. oh, and several boxes out from under the desk.
When we move, I want it to be simple and fast, and I do not want to be burdened with boxes and boxes of "what is this, and why do we have it?" It's not a good feeling to be wallowing in stuff, and I want to get back to how it was when I first moved out on my own, before my previous 23 years of stuff caught up with me.
Well, I'm going to go work on that a bit more. Or perhaps study. We'll see.

out of context

Both from C:

"Quick, go nice some more bacon out of him." (MySims)

"Apparently, all crabs secretly look like fingers." (Fingerpuppet)

An update that makes sense soon,I promise.

happy birthday, little guy!

Wow. One year. That's just amazing. Beyond amazing. and you, E, are a complete nut. You started this life with your eyes wide open, wanting to know, and that hasn't changed for a second.

I can't wait to see what this next year brings us. I love you, baby boy.