it comes as no surprise...

...that occasionally, things just suck when you are pregnant. By 'you' I mean me and my stupid melodrama-enhanced issues. Everything I do, or rather, try to do, these days just winds up frustrating me. Example: today!
We are planning to go up to the new house tomorrow, so we were going to borrow the van and pack it full of stuff. Well, we can't 'borrow' the van; my mom is willing to bring it over and go with us and take the van back home afterward. Cool! Works for us! Except it HASN'T. She was supposed to come this morning, so C could help load it before he had to work. Instead, she decided she wants to bring my sister K to help out. Ok, fine. Except K has an appointment tomorrow that she has to reschedule instead. So I spent ALL DAY sitting around, waiting to find out what the plans were NOW, so I could re-plan my own day. I was supposed to go to the store with DL to get paint. I was supposed to go to the grocery store and get food. I was supposed to have a somewhat relaxed day with my Mom deciding what to pack up. Instead, I finally head out alone with E late in the afternoon to run errands. We got as far as the paint store. I did not get paint. I instead got a full-on toddler meltdown because he wanted, ughh, I don't even KNOW. My best guess is he wanted to play in the parking lot. Tough, kid. Back in the car, back home, I get a message that they want to come in the morning instead. UM. Cue sobbing. I had PLANS, people, and not just plans for today, which have all gone to hell, I had plans for TOMORROW, which included picking up the new stroller and painting E's room and getting the car smogged because we HAVE to plus I NEED TO STUDY and damn it all tomorrow is just going to suck too. It just is, as much as they say 'oh, you won't have to load anything' moving is not just loading and unloading, and I know that now not even half of what we were going to do is going to get done and I'm just disappointed and emotional and there is nothing I can do about it GAH.
Also I can't post any pictures I have because they are all on my external which has decided not to turn on anymore. GAH.
Also C keeps trying to buy bread products. Passover! a week or so away! I do not want to eat any more bagels right now thanks!
Also E is being a PIA and even though he is much better now that we, again, took him off of wheat, I am tired of dealing with it just go to bed or something for the love of all that is holy.
Ok, I think I'm going to go feel sorry for myself some more while worrying about the effects of my tantrums on the emotional makeup of my unborn child. Fun. Times.

bedtime?

reason why C should, perhaps, NOT be reading the bedtime book:
adding explosions to the end of each page doesn't exactly add a 'calming atmosphere' to the event. It DOES add hysterical giggling (from C) and confusion (from E).
...
"It's midnight. Do you know where you child is?"
Yes, I do. He's kicking my face.

birthdays and cookies

Yesterday E turned 18 months. As he gets older these month markers aren't as dramatic, but this one, now that he's officially "a year and a half" I've been looking forward to. He's close enough to the 'terrible twos' that his tantrums and acting out just look normal to other parents (not that we are encouraging them); it's nice not to have to say "he's very advanced" all the time. He can be lumped together with the older kids and no one bats an eyelash, and it is wonderful. I miss my little baby sometimes, but this kid is so wacky and fun, and honestly sometimes it's hard to remember the tiny baby, so I'm hanging on to these moments while I can.

C's birthday is today; 25! Yay! I got him 'Cowbell Hero' and 'I need more Cowbell' t-shirts. Part of it was because he LOVES that SNL skit, and part of it is because he was driving me crazy with it during my crankiest and he was nice enough to STOP. MENTIONING. COWBELLS. at the time, so this was a combined apology/thank you/happy birthday gift. I'm just so good at multipurposing things that way.

I'm hosting a little dinner in his honor on Sunday, and today, hopefully, I will make a TON of hamentaschen. I'm so excited; it's the first time I'm making them completely on my own, and I am looking forward to good things. I'm also glad I can make a batch for E that is gluten-free, so he can join in the yummy fun too, especially as we will be having a very sober Purim this year. Next year? Alcoholic hamentaschen. Oh yes.

getting there

We signed the closing papers on the house Friday! Yay! While it isn't where we plan to wind up, it's a nice house in a nice neighborhood. Now on to phase two: remodeling! The front room is two stories, so we are going to put in a loft. By 'we' I mean V (MIL) is going to find a contractor to do it, since I am too baby-full and time-crunched to actually do anything construction oriented at this point and C, well, C just plain isn't interested. But! There are plenty of things we will be doing. Once we relocate the closet in our new room (the current closet has to be removed to give access to the loft) we will paint and lay in new flooring. Currently the entire upstairs is carpeted, and I refuse to deal with wall-to-wall carpeting anymore. I REALLY don't get the appeal in that. Anyhow! E's room is getting painted by the end of this month, and I hope to start on the yard as well. One side yard is going to be raised beds. The other side is currently filled with Jasmine; we're going to tear out about 1/2 of it, install some other vines (I'm thinking raspberries, maybe some grapes, depending on the soil/drainage conditions) and hopefully clear space for a little play house). M&J (SIL & BIL) are moving and giving us their play structure, so that will take about half the lawn area, and that leaves a nice amount of lawn and some mystery fruit trees. I'm pretty sure they are apples, but I couldn't tell when I saw them as there weren't any leaves yet. The front yard has a swath of rosemary I'm trying to save, since it is filled with bees (I love bees!) and V & M both want to tear it out BECAUSE of the bees. No! We need bees!

Anyhow, those are the plans for now. In the meantime I need to get back to actually passing my classes. This month has been rough, with the 3-week cold from hell which I followed up by giving everyone food poisoning. Awesome. Baby is doing well, at least, although starting to slow down in growth, which pushes my due date back. Which we expected to happen, so yeah. Kiddo is looking right on schedule for me; that is, late! E is watching the Incredibles, so I better finish writing that paper. That really pointless paper for the worst class I have ever taken. What a way to wind up my college career, right?

I love...

the Hillshire Farms commercials. C and I say the chants to each other. They are AWESOME.

Why yes, I have been a vegetarian for 16 years. What of it?

illness

I am so tired of being sick. I've been sick constantly since November; generally just a general feeling of being under-the-weather, but I keep picking up these viruses without a genuine period of healthy respite between them and it is exhausting. and infuriating! and then I take a nap. Currently the cold-from-hell is putting the kibosh into my plans to get ahead with school, or even function normally. Thankfully E seems to be recovering well, but i am genuinely starting to wonder: am I ever going to be healthy in the near future? woe is me, I know, but I just had 4 hours of sleep and feel worse than when I laid down for the nap, so my brain isn't doing so well. It seems to be swollen, and invading my ears. wah wah wah. It's time for another nap.

february resolutions

I love my wii fit! Really. It's awesome, even with the sometimes snarky comments. "You seem a little shaky" "That test really wasn't your strong suit" Really Ms. Wii-trainer? I just fell off the board. I was WONDERING why that was.
It's been a lot of fun though, so keeping to an every-day routine has not been hard at all. The only problem is my competitive spirit.
Me: "Augh! Why do you still have the high score?"
C:"What's wrong? You did good! This isn't a competition."
Me: "..."
C: "Who am I kidding. This is totally a competition."

However! I don't think this will be my resolution. I think my resolution this month will be" get and stay ahead of the game. The school game. Not the life game. I don't see that one happening until E enters college. Or maybe gets married. Or hits 40. But! School I can do. Right now I am just keeping up, so I know with a little push I can get ahead and cut down on my stress. Or not, seeing as E has decided to start screaming at me. aaaaand now he's earned a time-out. and is working on another one. ugh.

resolutions

So, I did make a 'new year's resolution', mostly because I felt it needed to be done for the sake of sanity. Mine was:
Do NOT scream at E. Anymore. Ever again.
yelling, well, that's another story, and frankly I doubt I will ever be able to not yell at him, especially in an emergency. But the fact was his screaming meltdowns were leading to me screaming back, and it was just not good. For my throat, my sanity, or his happiness. Or my happiness, for that matter. So I stopped. It's been really good. He's still a champion screamer, especially at 3am (sorry neighbours. really, we are so sorry) but at least it's not a reaction to me and I feel a lot more in control dealing with his random meltdowns. So I'm thinking maybe a monthly resolution would be a good idea. I'm just going to try to think one up in the next few days.

New stuff

Wow! So, almost a month. How time flies when you are overwhelmed and wondering what day it is. Actually, I feel like my life is once again achieving some semblance of order, and things are calming down.
On the offspring front, E has a bacterial eye infection and I am 17 weeks pregnant. Whoohoo! I'm glad the first trimester fatigue has passed just in time for Winter quarter and a perpetually sick toddler. Seriously, where does he get these illnesses? He doesn't go to daycare! He plays with us, 24/7. Eye infection? wth? Bebe2 is thankfully growing along nicely, gearing up to join our little house of chaos sometime in July. My good friend is due 2 weeks after me, so, if things go as I expect we'll probably deliver at the same time. Or not. Who knows.
School is good. Not great, not bad, just eh. Frankly, I am just focused on that June finish line at this point, so as long as I maintain at least a C average, I am out of here. Either way, I'm out of here, as I have exceeded both maximum allowable credits, maximum allowable quarters, and financial aid, all of which end in June. Soooo I had better leave here with that degree.
In other news, we bought a house to move into in August .More on that later. It is so all-consuming for me right now that I can't even begin to frame coherent sentences. Gah. Here's a pic I stole off the internet since I forgot to take any good ones myself. ta-ta

Happy Hanukah!

Here's to more Light and Joy to come!

Who are you judging?

Forewarning: Jew rant! If you aren't Jewish, well, this may not be interesting to you at all. If you are, well, it may be just a little interesting.

I recently came across an interesting post by the descendant of an Anusim on Daas Torah: http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2008/08/descendants-of-marranos-anusim-iii.html

Before I get started here I want to thank Nancy for posting that. Like Nancy, I am also a descendant of Puerto Rican Anusim (on my father's side-so hi! we're cousins!) and Mexican anusim on my mother's side.

Now then, I am pissed off by the responders that took apart her post point by point and 'refuted' it. First, that person does not actually know what they are talking about. ncyid enough to reply to those points, and someone again tried to refute what she had to say. Um, get over yourself? Customs need to be entirely and absolutely Jewish in origin? Stop cutting your son's hair on their 3rd birthday then. Have fun researching the rest of your customs too, you might be surprised. Even horrified! Fun for the whole family!

Second, as someone descended from people who fought and struggled to hold on to who they were, some of whom very recently began to give up only to have people in my generation say "wait! This is important!" how dare anyone question if we should be 'part of the Jewish people', or as another poster put it, although more compassionately, 'rejoin the Jewish people'. Excuse me? Rejoin? If y'all want Rabbinic sanction on us, then make it happen. I'm more than willing to do whatever little dance a rabbi thinks I should do to convince them that, 'yeah, really Jewish!' for the sake of my kids, but dude, treating us like outsiders? Like Gentiles who aren't actually Jewish? Step off. I know who I am, I know who my family is, and I'm going to raise my kids to be PROUD of who they are, thankyouverymuch.

Third, 8 generations of documentation isn't enough for you? Oh really? How far back is your documentation? Where did you get that straight blonde hair? How about those sparkling blue eyes? Don't tell me your bloodline is 'pure' and then tell me and my cousins that having actual written records of where our family comes from that it isn't 'enough' because YOUR rabbis can't agree with each other (Sephardi rabbis FTW!). You want documentation? How about our genealogies. Heck, how about a DNA test? (MtDNA For the win, I did it, you can too!) Makes me wonder how many of my 'accepted' brethren would pass a DNA test? (I'll still accept you! Much love!) I'm not sorry we didn't live in a shtetl, I unashamedly do not teach my son Yiddish (Ladino for us, thanks, bye) and our history and struggles are just as real as any other group of our people. We are Sephardi and PROUD OF IT, so whatever issues you have with having to prove just how Jewish you are, keep them to yourself. You want to change the world? You want to make sure our people don't disappear and that horrific acts like the Holtzbergs deaths mean something? a Jew is a Jew. Accept it, get over it, and figure out how to bring us all together instead of trying your hardest to continue to keep us all apart. Peace out! (Oh yeah, and? PR Jews FTW!!!!!)

Next time: Hanukah! Yay! Much happier ;)

C is reading Twilight...

Me: We have a beautiful son.
C: Yeah. Maybe we should have named him Edward.
Me:...
Me: I am blogging that.

(Side note: He is actually named for his grandfather, Edward. Just not actually Edward. It's a Jewish thing. Also, a confusing thing. As in: "Oh! What an unusual name! Is he named after anyone?" "Yes, his grandfather, Edward." "Oh...um...how?")

another commercial

(Scene: watching the Burn Notice season finale. Which was AWESOME.)
C: That's right I keep forgetting he was a navy seal. You know, I don' really think about SEALs as spies.
C: Although, they do have all those commercials that are like "How many men are in this scene. Too late, you're already dead. Sucks to be you. NAVY SEALS."
C: I should totally write commercials or the military.
N: Them and the corn industry.

girl talk?

I wrote this in response to a blog on Momformation, and thought it should go here as well. There's girl-talk, and then there is just people-bashing, and I very much feel they are different. I personally work very hard to keep any complaints about my husband very general and minimal, and prefer to vent about the aspect that's making me upset (instead of "Augh, he never does ANYTHING around here!" I go with "Augh, I can't stand this mess!" or "The baby is driving me CRAZY.") I have two reasons for this: 1) so that I am more likely to actually talk to my husband about issues I'm having rather than venting behind his back and 2) Because I remember the exact day my mom went from listening to the other girl scout moms bashing their husbands to actually joining in. Within a year she was miserable, 'trapped', dissatisfied and shrewish, and every week she had new things to complain about to her 'girlfriends'. Oh, and she stopped talking to my dad and starting barking at him instead. The effects on their marriage of her 'harmless venting' has been years of emotional fallout for both my parents and us three children. It shut down communication in the entire family, and they are working hard now to try and open back up to each other after years of nagging, resentment and 'keeping it all in'. I would much rather not wind up in that situation to begin with. Seems to be along the lines of loshon hora?

HFCS is, like, TOTALLY ok.

C: I saw another one of those high-fructose corn syrup commercials today.
N: Oh?
C: Yeah, it was like,
lady: look, popsicles.
dude: but, like, high-fructose corn syrup. uh, durrrrr.
lady: yeah, whatever.
dude: waaaah, I'm fat, why didn't you bring enough for me?
N: ...
C: YES!! *drinks root beer*

daring bakers, ciao

I am no longer a Daring Baker, unfortunately. Too many issues logging in which meant I have not been able to participate for a while, coupled with my desire to go food shopping a maximum of once a month and some really pricey ingredients (occasionally) mean I am going back to just being an observer. I may try some of the challenges after the fact, but I am cutting out the stresses in my life and when cooking becomes stressful it just causes indigestion. So, go bakers! I enjoy seeing your culinary journeys. I hope to be able to join in again someday.

heading into fall...

Classes start in about two weeks, and for the first time I am taking a class that I care nothing about and one that I am terrified about. Of course, if I would sit down and study instead of surfing the net...or sleeping...I wouldn't be so apprehensive. So, if E stays asleep once I hit publish I will go and do that. Or maybe clean the kitchen.
Our month of no spending made it to almost 2 months of no spending, which was pretty amazing for us. E decided yesterday to break C's phone, unfortunately, and I do mean break, so we went to the mall (augh!) and got him a new one. At least he was eligible for upgrade. Unfortunately, we did not get a free-upgrade phone. Nope, my tech-junkie hubby got an iPhone. Which, granted, is a blast to play with and I lurve it, but still. Not necessary. I also decided that when I upgrade (as my phone has been having issues for quite a while, such as turning off randomly, battery not working, battery not charging, sim card not registering, etc.) I will not be getting an iPhone for myself. I saw a cute little phone I would like instead, and if they have a similar one that is *free* I'll get that. I am waiting until my phone really truly dies though. We also returned to Costco and, amazingly, didn't buy much. Still more than we really needed, but about 1/2 of what we used to buy. Baby steps, indeed. That should be it for a while, it helps to stay away from stores though. Oh, right, C needs shoes. Because his are broken (how does his stuff get broken so fast) and then we are done. Oh, wait, we need to repair his bike. I think we are truly done then? I already know what I am making for gifts for the holidays/birthdays, I just need to get on that. Oh, right, and no-shopping does not apply to food, although really we have so much food that I manage to put it off for over a month each time. We are really blessed.
We are entering phase 2: get rid of all this crap! We were in our friend's nice, almost-empty apartment the other day, and when we came back I said "I'm jealous of A&B's place. C agreed; "yeah, what IS all this crap?" So I am going through and getting rid. Baby stuff has to wait until almost the end of the month; Jellibeanz takes trade-in, so I'll be going there and then whatever they don't take I am donating to Sienna House, which is where I donated my maternity clothes and whatever non-kosher food we get in our food bundles. I am also tempted to give the trade-in voucher to A&B for baby K, but we'll see.
The main problem with our place is my stuff. My craft stuff, actually. I just have so much of it, and it is taking up way too much space. A lot of it is going to become gifts and stuff for my etsy shop (once I sell my patterns I am going to turn it into a real shop) but still, way too much. I realised the other day that I actually detest doing papier-mache, so I recycled all the supplies. This may not seem like much, but I was raised by a packrat daughter of a packrat to be a packrat, and it is HARD to undo that many years of training. Seriously, my grandmother has an apartment full of stuff, and half a house full of stuff. My mom is almost as bad. I am going to get there, but it takes some doing. Ok, a lot of doing. My big problem with getting rid of stuff is finding some place to donate it. Craft supplies, for the most part, I can't recycle, and I know if I can't find a taker it will just go in the trash and I cannot STAND knowing that perfectly usable items are going to the dump. Ugh. Oh right, and all those patterns? (I have rescued close to 400 from going into the garbage) I have decided I am DONE storing them. The truly vintage are going on etsy, the rest I am dividing into manageable bundles of kind and giving them away. Hi, Freecycle! You are my friend! There's a burden off my mind. oh, and several boxes out from under the desk.
When we move, I want it to be simple and fast, and I do not want to be burdened with boxes and boxes of "what is this, and why do we have it?" It's not a good feeling to be wallowing in stuff, and I want to get back to how it was when I first moved out on my own, before my previous 23 years of stuff caught up with me.
Well, I'm going to go work on that a bit more. Or perhaps study. We'll see.

out of context

Both from C:

"Quick, go nice some more bacon out of him." (MySims)

"Apparently, all crabs secretly look like fingers." (Fingerpuppet)

An update that makes sense soon,I promise.

happy birthday, little guy!

Wow. One year. That's just amazing. Beyond amazing. and you, E, are a complete nut. You started this life with your eyes wide open, wanting to know, and that hasn't changed for a second.

I can't wait to see what this next year brings us. I love you, baby boy.

11 months

I don't know why he loves concrete so much. Maybe because it tastes like dirt and sand?