wait, it's almost July?

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted here. Or anywhere really; even my hand written journal has been neglected. It is truly because of an over-abundance of activity; I just haven't had the time, or the focus, to record much; I keep up with the boy's journals and that's about it! Speaking of the boy's, Adin's 1st birthday is in less than a month; incredible! I am excitedly planning his party, finally mailed out invitations yesterday and today, and I have a few to hand-deliver later this afternoon.
Otherwise my life-direction has been building momentum. With my plans to become a massage therapist and a midwife on the back burner, due to money+time, I came across flower essences, which I've used various times without realising it, and herbalism, which I've been studying on my own since I was about 8 (so, 20years or so? My neighbour had to help me figure out how old I am going to be next month; I thought I was turning 29, apparently I'll only be 28!) Anyhow, so I took the leap and signed up for the Master in Herbalism certification program from the School of Natural Healing, which I am LOVING, and I have immersed myself in flower essences; found a wonderful place called Green Hope Farm and ordered a bunch for my family and have begun making my own as well. What's really helpful in this is that my youngest sister reads/feel/manipulates energies really well, so she is helping me figure out the energy of each essence in addition to the traditional description for each one, and I am hoping our middle sister can use her talent reading auras to give a color signature to each one, for color therapy. This is all very exciting and fun and really wonderful, and I feel as though I am on the 'right track' to the point that I am calm, happy, and still feel like I am careening toward some unknown and very happy point in my future.
Other than that, trying to figure out where we are going to live; the NEW new plan is to wait and see where Milt gets in to pharmacy school, and in the meantime keep trying to win a house somewhere, since as long as our names are on my MIL's mortgage we don't actually qualify to buy our own place (sigh) oh well, things happen for a reason! All right, back to being busy!

ready for the weekend

Today went relatively well; Milt's alarm didn't go off so instead of waking up at 5am to get to work at 7:30 he woke up at 7:40. oops.
Asher and I went to see his acupuncturist; she and I discussed the possibility that he may actually be sensitive to the electrical current and that is why he'll only sit through about half of the treatment. He is on a new supplement to help seal his gut, and she asked that I swap in almond milk for soy milk for a while. But we love tofu! Love it! Oh well, so goes the healing process.
My Dad stopped in for an hour (instead of the weekend, but hey, that's how he is) and otherwise it's been an uneventful day.
Otherwise I've been reading through Aliza Hausman's blog, I have 3 little GF oat chalah ready and we are just about set for Shabbat, our friend is on his way down for a visit, just need a shower and OOPS I forgot to change the bedding. Ok, gotta go, back after Havdalah!

1st Iyar

This morning was Asher's first online 'class' through Room613; after technical problems i was a fun, quick class and I think he enjoyed it. Hopefully it starts on time next week, so he doesn't get antsy and wander off again, with ensuing forced sitting, tantrum, and cookie bribe (I know, I know). Still! Fun little class. A few songs, a little activity, listening to little kids try to talk to each other over the internet. Fun times.

Torn between studying Japanese, being more immersed in Judaism, teaching the ids, keeping up with the housework, taking care of my health, and using the internet. I think which one to cut is a no-brainer, don't you? Ok, off for the day, my boys are growing up and I need to enjoy it.

Also, the clothes-washer smells bad. Not a good sign, I'm assuming.

Also, from now on when I can't think of a post title I'll just use the Hebrew date. easy-peasy, yah?

mid-April musings

The sun has come back again, thankfully, and the rain stopped just short of drowning all the seedlings Asher and I planted a few days ago. I have some more seeds to start, although my hand is being forced a bit as the rain manage to penetrate my seed-storage container and dissolve my packages, so I am going to have a few containers of mystery seedlings soon. The weather is gorgeous, cool, the maple tree is suddenly full of green leaves instead of the reddish feathers it has been sporting for a month now; the apple tree is full of blossoms and bees (hooray! I love bees!) and just a few blossoms remain on the quince tree. Days like these I understand why people move to California, and I am a little tempted to stay, but I know that it is not only unsustainable but undesirable, really, and so we continue to make plans to head north, to a place where we can hopefully establish ourselves and leave a homestead that Asher and Adin (and others? Maybe.) will still be able to call home in 50 years, if they choose.

I cleared out the van yesterday; filled an Ikea bag with stuff. I couldn't believe I had let it get that bad although the majority was baby carriers and sweaters.

Found a gold(?) necklace of my mother's, covered in greenish gunk, from when she found it in her purse on the way to the airport and deposited it in my cupholder. I'm cleaning it with a toothbrush and some baking soda; seems to be working. A peace offering, perhaps, because we went ahead and got another rabbit, a companion for Broderick. Sarah Ferris, a scared little princess, but so sweet. I know she'll be furious when she finds out, but maybe (haha!) she won't notice. Yet another reason to leave; that welcoming animals into our space is such a battle here. Plus I still want to get chickens. Not much point to that if we are moving soon, as I wouldn't want to transport them and it seems silly to get them just to give them away again.

I have a tentative plan, but we'll see. I don't mind waiting a few years to get the land, but I so want to plant trees NOW and begin NOW and I want the boys to grow up with this environment, but I know building it together can have it's own rewards as well.

Asher's vocabulary and verbal skills are exploding; I'm no longer worried about him remaining delayed in that area, and he is almost ready to potty train in earnest. Am I ready? Probably not. Adin likes to make smacking noises with us by sucking in his lower lip; unfortunately he is still very much biting. Not sure how to stop this.

The baking soda isn't working so well after all, and I need to get ready for my phone appointment with Asher's acupuncturist, so off I go. I always want to double that first 'c' in acupuncture; I wonder why?

Alright, it's the end of March. Time to see what I accomplished in my grand scheme to complete 31 things in 31 days. Let's see:

Read:

1. Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma. Loved it. Reading about Polyface Farm made me want to become a 'grass farmer'; until I remembered that I am a vegetarian, and raising a bunch of animals to not eat would quickly defeat the purpose. Also, I am paranoid about corn now. And I want to go scavenge some mushrooms.
2. Dr. Manifesto for a New Medicine. Also loved this one; gave me a lot of inspiration for things to do, health-wise, and it was ironic to read his ideas for healthcare reform just after the bill passed. I was thinking they should really just have applied that entire chapter, instead. Still, it helped me to become more clear in what I am looking for when it comes to healthcare providers, and what I am willing/not willing to put up with/accept. Good things.

Did:

3. Took Asher to see an acupuncturist. Very, very nice woman; she sat and listened to his whole history and how I just felt he wasn't as healthy as he is supposed to be, even though he is technically healthy, something just seems off. She was very understanding. :) Tried to do a scan, but he freaked out halfway through, so she went ahead and started treatments and began a regimen of supplements for him and the difference is HUGE. He LOOKS healthier to me, already, and Monday night he got something with gluten and the only way we knew was because he got the rash. No meltdowns, no crazy behaviour, nothing else, just the rash. ALSO, that rash is almost healed. These sores have never healed in less than a week, and here we are, 2 days later, and they are already fading. Our next appointment is Monday, and I am SO EXCITED. The only side effect we had was his waking up repeatedly screaming for a couple nights, but that's stopped too. So wonderful.
4. Signed Asher up for an online class with 2-5 year olds; we'll see how he likes it! Now I have to find/buy a webcam. Ugh.
5. Signed us up for a community seder at the synagogue in the next town. Doesn't seem like a big deal, but it required me finding one, getting in the RSVP before the deadline, and having the money available to send in. Huge.
6. Went to the seder! It was really, really fun. Asher at least had a blast, and we wound up chatting with a Moroccan woman who was fantastic. She seemed to like us too :)
7. Had a playdate, at the park, with another mom with 2 kids. Again, doesn't seem like a big deal, but for me, HUGE.
8. Cleaned for Pesach. Also huge. This may count for 5 items on my list, because that was a lot of cleaning. A lot. We have decided we want a tiny house instead.

Made:

9. Yellow curry for the aforementioned seder. I had the tofu separate, in order to keep it Ashkenazi-safe, and totally forgot to fry it beforehand so it was limp and tasteless, but the curry itself was good and now we are eating the leftovers over rice. Because we eat rice during Pesach. also, beans. and such. yum. Side note: I once had a Russian Jew insist to me that she was Sephardi. Because her family ate rice on Passover. I was like "ummmm....not gonna burst your bubble there, sweetie." I, and our (Mizrachi) instructor were really really confused. Okay, side note done!
10-18. 8 mesh produce bags. I used one of those white mesh curtain sets from IKEA; they are really great! No more plastic bags for our produce, no sir! Except that the mesh is polyester, so they are still technically plastic...hmmm. Second side note: I am amazed by how much IKEA stuff is plastic now. It's almost as if there offerings are dividing into super sheap and flimsy or a little above cheap but sturdy. Maybe?
19-25. Copied out patterns from Ottobre magazine. I scanned one sheet (which took a stinking long time, thanks to a poor dying printer/scanner) then went through each scanned image and copied out all of each color in that image, to be pieced together into the actual pattern pieces. It took a really long time, but less time, and more accurate, than hand-tracing, so there you go. Now I should really sew something with them.

Plus all the things I mentioned previously:

26. Asher's apron
27. The bunny sheet
28-29. Baby carrier + baby carrier pattern
30. Asher's journal
31. Chanukah bags
32. Repairing the chairs.

So, yay, 32! Although you could count those 8 produce bags as one item, but I won't. There were so many things I started out working on that I never finished; I would say the majority of completed items on this list were things not even thought of at the beginning. The massive hutch is still in progress, ugh, and is now in the family room, and somehow, despite measuring the space 5 TIMES, it seems the hutch is too big. I do not know how I did that. I'm not sure what to do about it either. It's a bit, well, enormous, unfortunately, and my Mom is NOT going to be happy. Of course, I'm not really happy with it, so there you go.
Okay, on to April! Maybe this month should be UFO month? :)

March Making update

Halfway through the month, time for an update on my "finishing project".

1. An apron for Asher; he is constantly in the kitchen with me, so I figured I should make him an apron that is more his size; bonus is, he wears it while he's eating too! (This is awesome because he WILL NOT wear a bib. Ever. He would rather starve, while screaming and throwing himself at the floor repeatedly, than wear a bib.)



2. Baby Carrier: love it! Cobbled together from several different patterns and ideas, so I also now have a good, solid


3. Baby Carrier pattern! I love it too. I've put together everything I like from other people's ideas, and made modifications that I really want, and it looks like a good one. I'm going to make up my first one for my friend who is having her 2nd baby next month (!!!) and seeing as her boys will be as far apart as my boys are, she is going to have a lot of use for a carrier like this.


4. Finished updating Asher's 1st year journal. That was emotional and wrenching and so, so sweet.

5-6. 2 Chanukah bags; I've had this fabric for years, and a couple years ago I actually decided what to make from it, but never got around to it. Now I have! I have a stack ready to go, just need to finish assembling the rest.

7. bunny blanket: I assembled a patchwork sheet to put in Broderick's pen; it covers and wraps under the plastic chair mat we got to protect the floor. So far both have been working pretty well; much better than the shower curtain he kept ripping up and shredding.



8. repaired two chairs; both were coming apart, so I squeezed on some wood glue and they are currently drying.

9. My bedroom is ready for Pesach. The reason it is ready for Pesach is because our power got shut off today and all I COULD do was clean. So the bedroom is clean. Next, the bathroom?

In progress are

Rabbit hutch: 50% done; I cut down all the wood, and we started assembling it, but since the stock we bought is narrower than I had planned for I have to make some new cuts. Ugh. My goal is to have this one DONE this week.

Adin's journal updating; this isn't as emotionally hard as Asher's, but it is harder, as I find it's been more difficult to actually remember specific events and times for him. curse of being the second child, I suppose.

Asher's 2nd year now needs to be recorded too. Eeeek.

Vests for my Dad; my Mom commissioned me to make these up for him, 2 cashmere, 2 gabardine. I'm pretty excited, since I get to use the leftover scraps to make vests for the boys. :)

spring quilt; I've had this quilt top ready to be sewn up for a few years now, just pinned together. I finally sewed it together and now I just need to finish making it big enough to cover the ripped side of a comforter. voila, 'new' comforter.

using up all the chametz; I'm halfway through that, although now I have a few trays full of cupcakes that I cannot eat, so Mil and Ann need to eat through them before they go stale. It's a hard job, I know, but someone has to do it.

cleaning for pesach; I've got the cookbooks and one cabinet done. One. Yeesh. I think I need to step it up in this area.

catching up on laundry: my normal routine is one load of diapers, one load of laundry every day. Between being sick and being lazy laundry built up to 12 loads that had to be washed. Now I need to put it all away, but I am also going to purge quite a bit; we do not NEED 12 loads worth of clothing. No sir.

copying patterns from Ottobre magazine. So far I'm halfway through a pair of pants. This work is somewhat tedious, at best, so I'm going to try (again) to use the computer for this. We'll see how that goes.

Other than that I have developed a Ganglian cyst on the underside of my right wrist; I'm assuming from handsawing all the red oak (should have bought poplar! augh! So much less expensive, too) for the bunny hutch. Ouch. However, I will persevere! yes! That's it for the update.

Carry on.

well hello, March

I have a few goals this month,
1. post up my backlog of posts now that I have a card reader and can
2. actually get my pictures off the memory card and onto a computer. Yay!
3. complete one project for every day of March. 31 projects? Absolutely doable, especially since I have at least that many projects in various stages of completion. Not all of them are crafty; for example, I am trying to 'catch up' on the boy's journals, actually writing the entries into the books rather than in various word files on the computer. Also, the baby's scrapbook only has congratulations cards in it at this point. Yeesh. E's 1st year album is awesome; his next one is still in the plastic wrap.
4. use up all of my chametz before Pesach; only one container of flour left! Woohoo! After that, I'm going to try to ban gluten from the house. We'll see how that goes, since C doesn't like the flavor of GF bread. hmm. I may just have to tell him to man up. and he may just go buy bread on his own instead and keep it at work...hey! problem solved! This is pretty good.

Speaking of C, today is his 26th birthday! I am taking him to see Alice in Wonderland tomorrow evening (yay!) aaaaaaaand.... I got him a bunny. So cute. however, I went looking for a small lop (preferably Holland) light-colored female. Instead I got a HUGE juvenile black male full lop. This bunny is going to be HUGE. We love him though. C kept his name, Broderick, and we added on Baruch, so B.B. for short. Which may be confusing since that's what E calls the baby: "beebee!!!!" We'll see. Ok! So, back to the cake making; I'm also making him Swedish meatballs (and veggie versions for myself, K and E).

Ok, this whole initial thing is getting annoying, so from now on we are doing middle names, and probably short versions of middle names at that. So tonight is Milt's 26th birthday, Ash calls Adin "beebee!!!" and Ann and I are enjoying veggie meatballs. You can call me Vicki. Got that? Awesome. Now I may or may not update other entries to reflect this change. We'll see. I do have 31 projects to finish (2 down, 2 almost done, and a whole pile more to go). I may wind up counting the cake as a finished project. ;)

Now, just because I can, here is Adin enjoying a mouthful of sweet potatoes. Yum!

mmmm Hanukah!

So we are finishing up the last of our presents: 3 kinds of dark fudge! yum! and frankly I don't care that most of the recipients will be opening them up on Christmas, nope, don't care, you know why? Because I made and gave them these gifts because I like them, and I want them to be happy! That's it! So what if happy for them is a week after happy for me? Right? No pictures of the candy because it's wrapped and I ate the rst and holding a baby while taking pictures of chocolate jsut means I don't havea hand free to stop E from grabbing said chocolate and shoving it into his mouth while he tears down the hallway, so yes. He's been a little wired. As have I. Yay!
We ate all our latkes. and fish tacos. and quesadillas. I never got around to making sufganiyot, because #1 we have run out of cooking oil and #2 if I don't stop eating sugar at some point, as I have been eating it every day since Thanksgiving, I WILL get diabetes, so yeah. I think we're done. There's oil in the yellow curry, I think that will be good enough. Yes!

Also, E needs to stop having access to edibles, as he decided to try drinking a bottle of Birch oil. Hi ER. That was awesome. But! He's fine! A Miracle, definitely. Happy Hanukah!

living slow?

I very much would like to live a slow year...heck, we almost moved into a bus in August! I still wish we could have made that work, but C is happier driving 2 hours round-trip to work than having a 15-minute commute but having to cross Hwy 17 any day. Oh well. Also, there's just So. Much. Awesome. Stuff. out there. What to do? I'm thinking a Slow Month. Well, a little over. Since we are going to PR on January 17th, I figure if we buy nothing from now until then that should count as a month, and then I'll see about February? Yes, that should do it.
What do I mean by slow month? Well, for right now it means buy nothing aside from groceries, and pay only our recurring bills (car payment, insurance, rent, student loan...wow, we have a lot of payments). I think I'll also cut back on grocery spending again; we get a little crazy in the grocery store occasionally, so that needs to be cut back. Also, we have credit card debt again, so I'll pay that off. February will be a fresh start, and I can reevaluate then. I'm just so inspired by this family: http://frenchtoastfrance.blogspot.com/ and I want to get to that someday soon. I think we can; I think we should. Let's see if we do?
In other news: Latkes are done! Now on to (gluten-free) sufganiyot! Yeah!

side note...

E does NOT like the traditional 'Happy Birthday' song. First he scowls, and then if you keep singing it he gets more and more upset until he buries his face in his arms. I think it's because it's a minor key? So I need to find some more cheerful birthday songs for next year.

poor baby

So I have a cold, and L now seems to as well, on top of cutting teeth, and has been MISERABLE for the past few days; crying a lot, barely sleeping, fussing around, not nursing well. It's been great. Finally tonight I could not take the combo of stuffy head, drippy nose and inconsolable baby anymore and... I stuck him in his swing. Rather rudely, at that. Then I went into the next room to stare at the computer, listen to him cry and feel sorry for myself.

He fell asleep instead.

I am a babywearer to the end, but if a little neglect means my kid can actually get some sleep? Then the guilt is worth it. Poor thing.

As a bonus, here's a shot of both boys being considerably happier a couple days ago. You wouldn't think from the rolls that that baby is a lousy nurser, but wow, worst nurser EVER. I write that with all the love in the world:

maybe next year

yeah, not going to be keeping up with nablopomo, way too much other stuff going on right now, including but not limited to making sure no one in my house is exposed to or exposes my kids to H1N1, which apparently is THE disease for the county right now. Yay! Kids are healthy, I'm healthy, Thanksgiving is coming up, life is good.
I just have to keep telling myself, even if no one is hearing me, life is good.

library

Thursdays the library in the next town up has a story hour for toddlers at 10am, so for the last month C has been taking E up there. E will sit for a few minutes in the room, and then leaves, which would be unfortunate except for there being a playground right next to the library where all the kids head after story hour. So this week L and I went with them, checked out some books and a video with my new library card and then played on the playground. At first is was just E, and then a little boy who apparently has autism and gets along with E showed up, and then a bunch of other kids. It was nice, and a good break from the insane behaviour E has been exhibiting lately. I don't get it! Mostly it's whenever C is around; probably because C is back at work now after 2 weeks home, so E is adjusting to that, but it sure makes life unpleasant with the random screaming fits. I'm really just writing this to keep up with the writing every day deal, otherwise I wouldn't have written at all, but there you go.
Oh! Cam's older sibling's grandmother got a call from someone claiming that his oldest brother, her grandson, was in prison. In Canada. and needed bail money. riiiiiight. Last month someone called my grandmother at 2am claiming to be a coyote who had her people and demanded money. She told him off because, excuse me? Our Mexican relatives don't cross illegally, thanks. Interesting scam though. That's it for today.

what happened

On Sunday night someone very close to me decided to overdose on pills rather than face a huge mess she had created over the course of a year. She is fine, and while I am somewhat numb to what happened due to my experience with other people's suicide attempts in the past it threw everyone else in the house upside down for a while. Now that we are recovering from the trauma of what she did that night they are working through the things that were exposed and figuring out where they stand with her now that they are hearing the truth.
The thing is, if she had just been honest all along, everything would have been avoided. The anger, the jealousy, the emotional devastation, and the attempt to run away from it with pills. Yet at the same time I don't think she has learned anything. I've said it often; she "doesn't have learning experiences." That's the truly sad part; that those of us who love her can do nothing but watch her 'get away with' more and more while self-destructing. What then?

peacekeeping

is very time-consuming. I think I'm done; we'll see if the drama is any less tomorrow. :(

day 1

Today was really interesting. And then DRAMA HIT EVERYBODY. The end.

pause to reflect

I read a lot of blogs; amazing blogs, funny ones, introspective, thought-provoking. The majority of the writers have 2+ children, and manage to write quite frequently. How? I barely manage to finish my laundry on a given day, and forget managing a shower regularly! I am overwhelmed, still, and I truly would love to know how other people just manage, because I can't seem to.

Also, how to decide what to write about? I've asked this before, why do people write, why record? What do we pass on, and why? How permanent, how impermanent, important, unimportant. I get stuck, I stop, I wonder "why?" or "should I?" I just don't know. But I do know that maybe someday one of my children will want some idea of what life was like for me, and I would like to give them more than the hazy "well, I don't know. I worked/took care of you/ ate pancakes/whatever" that are most recollections. Silly? Yes. But I want to give my kids everything else, so why not this?

I harvested from the quince tree out back yesterday; I managed to get about 2/3 of the fruit that was still good with E's help; there is a bit left on the tree but L woke up so E and I packed up our big bag full of fruit and went inside to cuddle with the baby. I had wanted to make membrillo, but I don't have suitable containers for it, so instead we bought jars at the store today while we were out and I am going to try to make jelly tomorrow. I may wind up making jam if I don't find any strainers. Whatever! At least the fruit isn't going to rot on the ground again this year, so success!

C brought my bike from Antioch, and I am going to reattach the child seat and take E for bike rides again; at least, I will try. I had no idea how heavy that bike would be when I ordered it; wow! Kat's child seat is still around (20 years!) So I am going to attach that to one of the other bikes around here and inform C that he now has a bike. :) There is also a three-wheeler out back that I would LOVE to fix up; then I could wheel both boys around. When we move to a community that we love I plan to use it to run errands; I'm really excited, making plans again, thinking about what places are out there for us. I know we'll wind up in the right spot, I just wonder where it will be, and I know that it is not here. At least I'm starting to feel at peace about it all again, and comfortable just trusting that G-d will work it all out; again, as always. I'm just so good at worrying that sometimes I forget that I don't need to.

I'm getting back into sewing/crafting, and I have some ideas for what I want to do to 'make money'; really, it's more of an outlet for my need to create and design, and if people like it and want to pay for it then so much the better, but I am not going to let other people talk me into charging 'what hte market can bear'. I ask for enough to cover my expenses and make it worht my time, that's it! I don't see the need to take whatever I can from other people. I'm working on letting go; we have so much I feel like I am swimming in stuff; our stuff, my parent's stuff, my grandmother's stuff. I'm slowly packing up their stuff while I unpack and pare down my own, but I am just so hedged in at this point that I must get rid of as much as possible just to be able to relax. and yet! Every day it is easier to give away something more. Just a little bit at a time, bags of food, boxes of things, piles of clothes, all going, all hopefully making some other lives easier. Not happier, stuff doesn't make you happier. I think having your needs met just frees you to enjoy your actual LIFE, and that is what makes you happy, not the stuff in it. Yes? Something along those lines. I don't like how I phrased that but it is past 11pm and I really should be getting to bed. ah, insomnia, my old friend. :)

Everything is getting better; E is a stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, affectionate, stubborn little boy, and L is one demanding, teasing, sweet little baby, and every day they get a little older, things get a little easier (even when I can't see that in the moment) and I breathe a little easier while missing their babyhood just a little more. slowly, slowly, slowly. I have a few things I need to complete, but that will be done by the time we head to Puerto Rico, and then I can let go of that chapter of my life completely; focus on something new. In the meantime, I really do just need to breathe. good night.

on recording

Often when I think of bringing a camera with me, or ordering prints, or placing those prints into albums, or even just sharing images online, I hesitate with a why?
why record these moments? why record any moments?
In essence I feel just a bit like I'm trying to immortalise seomthing that cannot be immortalised. we are so transient, our children's childhoods so extremely fleeting, and even one generation removed can't really understand or relive those captured moments. So why do it?
If only for myself, I suppose, it's worth it. At least, that's how I justify adding to the ephemera in our lives. Because I cry while taking in my precious seconds of baby softness and toddler passions, and I know every moment that this will be gone and I will never, ever recapture it. no matter how many photos I take.
But I will take those photos anyhow.

Happy birthday, little love. I already miss you as you were, even though I love you as you are.

some fun

We went to my parent's house a couple weeks ago, and E got to scavenge for plums and play in the sprinkler. He was one happy, happy kid.

note to self:

stop giving E anything caffeinated. It's only hilarious for the first 2 hours of crazy, then it's just dangerous (for everyone else in the room). Holy moly.

On a related note: stop with the chocolate already. danger! danger!