20 September, 2008

girl talk?

I wrote this in response to a blog on Momformation, and thought it should go here as well. There's girl-talk, and then there is just people-bashing, and I very much feel they are different. I personally work very hard to keep any complaints about my husband very general and minimal, and prefer to vent about the aspect that's making me upset (instead of "Augh, he never does ANYTHING around here!" I go with "Augh, I can't stand this mess!" or "The baby is driving me CRAZY.") I have two reasons for this: 1) so that I am more likely to actually talk to my husband about issues I'm having rather than venting behind his back and 2) Because I remember the exact day my mom went from listening to the other girl scout moms bashing their husbands to actually joining in. Within a year she was miserable, 'trapped', dissatisfied and shrewish, and every week she had new things to complain about to her 'girlfriends'. Oh, and she stopped talking to my dad and starting barking at him instead. The effects on their marriage of her 'harmless venting' has been years of emotional fallout for both my parents and us three children. It shut down communication in the entire family, and they are working hard now to try and open back up to each other after years of nagging, resentment and 'keeping it all in'. I would much rather not wind up in that situation to begin with. Seems to be along the lines of loshon hora?


Betsy said...

I just stopped over to say thanks for the very insightful comment you left on my Momformation "girl talk" post. I was pleased to see, you recognized your brilliance enough to post your comment on your own blog. Thanks for stopping in with your 50 cents.

nava said...

I don't know about brilliance, but thank you! I just like to learn from other's mistakes rather than repeating them, and I like to think that my own experiences can help others too.