17 December, 2009

mmmm Hanukah!

So we are finishing up the last of our presents: 3 kinds of dark fudge! yum! and frankly I don't care that most of the recipients will be opening them up on Christmas, nope, don't care, you know why? Because I made and gave them these gifts because I like them, and I want them to be happy! That's it! So what if happy for them is a week after happy for me? Right? No pictures of the candy because it's wrapped and I ate the rst and holding a baby while taking pictures of chocolate jsut means I don't havea hand free to stop E from grabbing said chocolate and shoving it into his mouth while he tears down the hallway, so yes. He's been a little wired. As have I. Yay!
We ate all our latkes. and fish tacos. and quesadillas. I never got around to making sufganiyot, because #1 we have run out of cooking oil and #2 if I don't stop eating sugar at some point, as I have been eating it every day since Thanksgiving, I WILL get diabetes, so yeah. I think we're done. There's oil in the yellow curry, I think that will be good enough. Yes!

Also, E needs to stop having access to edibles, as he decided to try drinking a bottle of Birch oil. Hi ER. That was awesome. But! He's fine! A Miracle, definitely. Happy Hanukah!

10 December, 2009

living slow?

I very much would like to live a slow year...heck, we almost moved into a bus in August! I still wish we could have made that work, but C is happier driving 2 hours round-trip to work than having a 15-minute commute but having to cross Hwy 17 any day. Oh well. Also, there's just So. Much. Awesome. Stuff. out there. What to do? I'm thinking a Slow Month. Well, a little over. Since we are going to PR on January 17th, I figure if we buy nothing from now until then that should count as a month, and then I'll see about February? Yes, that should do it.
What do I mean by slow month? Well, for right now it means buy nothing aside from groceries, and pay only our recurring bills (car payment, insurance, rent, student loan...wow, we have a lot of payments). I think I'll also cut back on grocery spending again; we get a little crazy in the grocery store occasionally, so that needs to be cut back. Also, we have credit card debt again, so I'll pay that off. February will be a fresh start, and I can reevaluate then. I'm just so inspired by this family: http://frenchtoastfrance.blogspot.com/ and I want to get to that someday soon. I think we can; I think we should. Let's see if we do?
In other news: Latkes are done! Now on to (gluten-free) sufganiyot! Yeah!

08 December, 2009

side note...

E does NOT like the traditional 'Happy Birthday' song. First he scowls, and then if you keep singing it he gets more and more upset until he buries his face in his arms. I think it's because it's a minor key? So I need to find some more cheerful birthday songs for next year.

03 December, 2009

poor baby

So I have a cold, and L now seems to as well, on top of cutting teeth, and has been MISERABLE for the past few days; crying a lot, barely sleeping, fussing around, not nursing well. It's been great. Finally tonight I could not take the combo of stuffy head, drippy nose and inconsolable baby anymore and... I stuck him in his swing. Rather rudely, at that. Then I went into the next room to stare at the computer, listen to him cry and feel sorry for myself.

He fell asleep instead.

I am a babywearer to the end, but if a little neglect means my kid can actually get some sleep? Then the guilt is worth it. Poor thing.

As a bonus, here's a shot of both boys being considerably happier a couple days ago. You wouldn't think from the rolls that that baby is a lousy nurser, but wow, worst nurser EVER. I write that with all the love in the world:

09 November, 2009

maybe next year

yeah, not going to be keeping up with nablopomo, way too much other stuff going on right now, including but not limited to making sure no one in my house is exposed to or exposes my kids to H1N1, which apparently is THE disease for the county right now. Yay! Kids are healthy, I'm healthy, Thanksgiving is coming up, life is good.
I just have to keep telling myself, even if no one is hearing me, life is good.

05 November, 2009


Thursdays the library in the next town up has a story hour for toddlers at 10am, so for the last month C has been taking E up there. E will sit for a few minutes in the room, and then leaves, which would be unfortunate except for there being a playground right next to the library where all the kids head after story hour. So this week L and I went with them, checked out some books and a video with my new library card and then played on the playground. At first is was just E, and then a little boy who apparently has autism and gets along with E showed up, and then a bunch of other kids. It was nice, and a good break from the insane behaviour E has been exhibiting lately. I don't get it! Mostly it's whenever C is around; probably because C is back at work now after 2 weeks home, so E is adjusting to that, but it sure makes life unpleasant with the random screaming fits. I'm really just writing this to keep up with the writing every day deal, otherwise I wouldn't have written at all, but there you go.
Oh! Cam's older sibling's grandmother got a call from someone claiming that his oldest brother, her grandson, was in prison. In Canada. and needed bail money. riiiiiight. Last month someone called my grandmother at 2am claiming to be a coyote who had her people and demanded money. She told him off because, excuse me? Our Mexican relatives don't cross illegally, thanks. Interesting scam though. That's it for today.

04 November, 2009

what happened

On Sunday night someone very close to me decided to overdose on pills rather than face a huge mess she had created over the course of a year. She is fine, and while I am somewhat numb to what happened due to my experience with other people's suicide attempts in the past it threw everyone else in the house upside down for a while. Now that we are recovering from the trauma of what she did that night they are working through the things that were exposed and figuring out where they stand with her now that they are hearing the truth.
The thing is, if she had just been honest all along, everything would have been avoided. The anger, the jealousy, the emotional devastation, and the attempt to run away from it with pills. Yet at the same time I don't think she has learned anything. I've said it often; she "doesn't have learning experiences." That's the truly sad part; that those of us who love her can do nothing but watch her 'get away with' more and more while self-destructing. What then?

02 November, 2009


is very time-consuming. I think I'm done; we'll see if the drama is any less tomorrow. :(

01 November, 2009

day 1

Today was really interesting. And then DRAMA HIT EVERYBODY. The end.

27 October, 2009

pause to reflect

I read a lot of blogs; amazing blogs, funny ones, introspective, thought-provoking. The majority of the writers have 2+ children, and manage to write quite frequently. How? I barely manage to finish my laundry on a given day, and forget managing a shower regularly! I am overwhelmed, still, and I truly would love to know how other people just manage, because I can't seem to.

Also, how to decide what to write about? I've asked this before, why do people write, why record? What do we pass on, and why? How permanent, how impermanent, important, unimportant. I get stuck, I stop, I wonder "why?" or "should I?" I just don't know. But I do know that maybe someday one of my children will want some idea of what life was like for me, and I would like to give them more than the hazy "well, I don't know. I worked/took care of you/ ate pancakes/whatever" that are most recollections. Silly? Yes. But I want to give my kids everything else, so why not this?

I harvested from the quince tree out back yesterday; I managed to get about 2/3 of the fruit that was still good with E's help; there is a bit left on the tree but L woke up so E and I packed up our big bag full of fruit and went inside to cuddle with the baby. I had wanted to make membrillo, but I don't have suitable containers for it, so instead we bought jars at the store today while we were out and I am going to try to make jelly tomorrow. I may wind up making jam if I don't find any strainers. Whatever! At least the fruit isn't going to rot on the ground again this year, so success!

C brought my bike from Antioch, and I am going to reattach the child seat and take E for bike rides again; at least, I will try. I had no idea how heavy that bike would be when I ordered it; wow! Kat's child seat is still around (20 years!) So I am going to attach that to one of the other bikes around here and inform C that he now has a bike. :) There is also a three-wheeler out back that I would LOVE to fix up; then I could wheel both boys around. When we move to a community that we love I plan to use it to run errands; I'm really excited, making plans again, thinking about what places are out there for us. I know we'll wind up in the right spot, I just wonder where it will be, and I know that it is not here. At least I'm starting to feel at peace about it all again, and comfortable just trusting that G-d will work it all out; again, as always. I'm just so good at worrying that sometimes I forget that I don't need to.

I'm getting back into sewing/crafting, and I have some ideas for what I want to do to 'make money'; really, it's more of an outlet for my need to create and design, and if people like it and want to pay for it then so much the better, but I am not going to let other people talk me into charging 'what hte market can bear'. I ask for enough to cover my expenses and make it worht my time, that's it! I don't see the need to take whatever I can from other people. I'm working on letting go; we have so much I feel like I am swimming in stuff; our stuff, my parent's stuff, my grandmother's stuff. I'm slowly packing up their stuff while I unpack and pare down my own, but I am just so hedged in at this point that I must get rid of as much as possible just to be able to relax. and yet! Every day it is easier to give away something more. Just a little bit at a time, bags of food, boxes of things, piles of clothes, all going, all hopefully making some other lives easier. Not happier, stuff doesn't make you happier. I think having your needs met just frees you to enjoy your actual LIFE, and that is what makes you happy, not the stuff in it. Yes? Something along those lines. I don't like how I phrased that but it is past 11pm and I really should be getting to bed. ah, insomnia, my old friend. :)

Everything is getting better; E is a stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, affectionate, stubborn little boy, and L is one demanding, teasing, sweet little baby, and every day they get a little older, things get a little easier (even when I can't see that in the moment) and I breathe a little easier while missing their babyhood just a little more. slowly, slowly, slowly. I have a few things I need to complete, but that will be done by the time we head to Puerto Rico, and then I can let go of that chapter of my life completely; focus on something new. In the meantime, I really do just need to breathe. good night.

01 October, 2009

on recording

Often when I think of bringing a camera with me, or ordering prints, or placing those prints into albums, or even just sharing images online, I hesitate with a why?
why record these moments? why record any moments?

In essence I feel just a bit like I'm trying to immortalise seomthing that cannot be immortalised. we are so transient, our children's childhoods so extremely fleeting, and even one generation removed can't really understand or relive those captured moments. So why do it?
If only for myself, I suppose, it's worth it. At least, that's how I justify adding to the ephemera in our lives. Because I cry while taking in my precious seconds of baby softness and toddler passions, and I know every moment that this will be gone and I will never, ever recapture it. no matter how many photos I take.
But I will take those photos anyhow.

Happy birthday, little love. I already miss you as you were, even though I love you as you are.

07 July, 2009

some fun

We went to my parent's house a couple weeks ago, and E got to scavenge for plums and play in the sprinkler. He was one happy, happy kid.

note to self:

stop giving E anything caffeinated. It's only hilarious for the first 2 hours of crazy, then it's just dangerous (for everyone else in the room). Holy moly.

On a related note: stop with the chocolate already. danger! danger!

27 June, 2009


I keep reading all these posts apologising for not posting too often. I think I win as far as not posting very often. So here's a rundown of what I've been up to:

Graduated (sort of. not discussing the sort of part right now) and the ceremony was really fun. Had a vegetarian bbq afterward, everyone loved it.

I have help staying with me. I think it is more stressful than not having help. We'll see. May just be the hormones.

Speaking of, I am very hormonal right now. It sucks. I don't know how other people deal with it. I am hoping when this kid comes out it will take these hormones with it, because I do not want them.

Building on the house is now over a month behind schedule. But! We have flooring ready to go.

Got a speeding ticket. Damn it.

DMV can't find there behinds with their own hands, and claim we still owe them money. They are wrong, and we have a receipt to prove it. Monday should be fun.

Trying to choose a Mohel. fun. No idea what one costs, and we probably can't really afford one anyway.

Being pressured to buy a car. I really, really don't have time to shop for a car. Meanwhile our car needed new brake pads, and since I am round and incapable and C is inexperienced it got stupid expensive. Not happy.

I have a pizza. yay!

06 June, 2009


Friday was my last written final, ever. Unless I decide to go back to school, but I am not sure grad school had finals and community college is not currently on my list of places to return. I'm slightly relieved, but more anxious, because I KNOW I did horribly on it. I have to turn in a paper by Wednesday (not a problem) and perform a skit that same afternoon (also not a problem) and that skit is the only thing that can possibly save me from failing. I don't actually know if it can, but I am hoping really, really, really hard.
Other than that, we are officially living paycheck to paycheck, with supplemental bill-paying from savings, and I am actually ok with that. Yes, the economy sucks, but C has a job, which already makes us better off than a lot of people, and he still has options that could be even better, so I'm pretty relaxed on that front.
E apparently is lactose-intolerant, since he has been a screamy, tantrum-filled and gassy little man ever since this past weekend, when we gave him cheese again for the first time in months, and then compounded the problem by going to costco and buying more. We now have about 3 pounds of cheese and neither of us want to it it. E still does, as I have passed on not only my intolerance of the stuff but also my uncontrollable passion for it. Poor kid. Poor us. No more cheese. I tell myself this all the time, and then I go and buy more. *sigh*
My sister moves in on Monday! I am so excited! Really, truly. Even if all it means is that I can get in a second nap each day while he runs around outside, supervised, it will be heavenly. She is super helpful though, so I know it'll be nice.
That is all.

05 May, 2009

May resolution

My may resolution is to Breathe and Budget.
I've been giving myself far too much stress over things; our finances, my grades, more finances, our future, imaginary spiders, etc when I shouldn't be. We are fine. We are more than fine. We are great. Everything just works out for us; it always has and I need to keep trusting that it will. Not that we throw caution to the wind and blow paychecks on nights out, but I just need to relax. When I do and actually give myself little spots of time to work I feel so much clearer and happier. I've been productive and actually felt as though I am accomplishing things lately, and I need to enjoy the moment. Speaking of the moment, E is laying his head on my leg and kissing my knee. I think it's time for some focused cuddling with my son. ciao!

gardening and writing

A few weeks ago I commented to C that I wanted to clear out our lot in the community garden and plant some veggies this year. Which really means I wanted him to clear it out, since my belly +stooping+ chicken wire +toddler bent on destruction would not have been a good combination. He said that we should just spend this year planning and working on the beds at the new house and not worry about. So of course a few days later I planted a bunch of seeds in little gathered pots and put them on the sill. E threw 3 of them onto the floor (goodbye tomatoes, eggplant, and mystery pot that he ate the label from!) but quite a few have sprouted since he lost interest. Corn was the first, then basil (planted specifically for C; he LOVES pesto) and squash. The other day we were driving home and noticed that the UCSC plant sale was still going; with the miserable weather we're having suddenly I doubted they had much business, so we stopped and took a look. I bought 4 plants: eggplant, potato, summer squash and zucchini (C. LOVES zucchini). When we got home, around 7, I looked up info on the plant sale and found it was only supposed to run until 2pm. We were lucky that the rain had kept away the crowds, or they would have packed up hours earlier! Now I'm just waiting for the sun to come out long enough to actually clear the garden and get these plants into the ground. They should all be harvestable by mid-July, so I'm not worried about leaving producing plants behind, but eve if a few are still going when we leave I have a few neighbours who I am sure would welcome some productive additions to their own garden plots. :)
As for the writing; on 4/20 UC administrators tried to threaten me with arrest for selling water to stoners. Long story. I've finally finished the letter that I've been working on since I got home that day. While I didn't know I was doing anything wrong at the time, my problem is not that I was reprimanded; I do recognise that regulations need to be enforced. However, it was the way the incident was handled that saddened and angered me, so I put my thoughts into a letter that I'll be sending to Pres. Yudof, Chancellor Blumenthal, and whatever interested print media will publish it. I'll post it here too once I've had someone who is a little less biased read it over as well. I would hate to have my message undermined by sloppy or obscure writing. I feel like a weight is off of me now; so now I'm off to protest rent hikes, budget mismanagement and teacher layoffs. Regular hotbed of activity over here!

26 April, 2009

the bento is back

Ha! So! I made dinner! Tasty, tasty sushi rolls, with cream cheese, sesame seeds, omelet, pickled beets and raw zucchini (which all this time I thought were cucumbers. Since they were supposed to be cucumbers). So, so good. Now I'm just waiting for C to get home. In about an 1.5 hours. I went ahead and packed him a bento for tomorrow, because nothing motivates me to get in the kitchen like having a paper due two days ago and a kanji test tomorrow. Yes! I also cleaned the kitchen and put away all of E's diapers. I am also knitting a hat. Also probably the matching booties. Yet, I have managed to write more on this paper this weekend than I managed all last week. I am just that awesome. Pretty bento! Yay! I'm also giving him a banana, because I really doubt this will get him through an 8-hour day.

I also spent $100+ on maternity clothes, because I finally admitted there is no way I am going to have the energy to make them before I need them.

12 April, 2009

stress relief

I spend way WAY too much time reading blogs, but, you know what? It's relaxing. It's my way to disconnect from all the crazy in my life and just enjoy reading snippets for a bit. I don't play video games and I don't watch movies (at least, not in one sitting. If I can't sit through a tv show, a movie is out of the question), and until I can get back to actually making things (which I find a LOT more relaxing; and fulfilling) I'm just going to keep on reading my blogs, except now without guilt. And when Bloglines is empty and no one updates within 5 minutes, I am going to keep on finding NEW blogs to read. Yes indeedy do.
On a somewhat related (at least in my mind) note, my MIL always laughs when I finish our conversations with "okie dokie!" I wonder why that is? :)
On a sad note, Malta is not celiac friendly. Which is very sad, especially since I am having ot face the fact that I might actually be the source of E's celiac issues. But for right now, I have a case of malta and a box of matzah to get through, and when those are gone we are all completely gluten-free, so until then, bottom's up! *glug-glug-glug*
oooh, I should really take my vitamins. I am so darn healthy.

11 April, 2009


That was fun! Not only are we now gluten-free (although we have two really big boxes to food to give away that we didn't manage before Pesach) but I really enjoyed myself this year. K joined me for a seder down at Chabad, and C stayed home with E. Apparently that was the worst night for E's cold, unfortunately, but I got the night off, so, yay! Anyhow, this being my first sober seder I forgot how long it took to get the the food. K was drunk after the first glass and going a little nuts; it was hilarious. Sarah was visiting, I am so glad! I miss her when she goes back to NY; I am hoping to convince her to come back in July to see the babies (mine and DL's). That should be enough incentive, no?
Got a lot of news this afternoon; loft construction begins 4/20; a cousin is due with her first baby a month after me; MIL and BIL are both getting 40 hours a week at work (yay!); SIL is interviewing for Principal (we all really REALLY hope she gets it) and if she does they will be moving closer to the house. Classes are going well, and I am getting over this newest cold very quickly. All in all, a very good few days. Right now I am cooking up Karina's Moroccan Coconut & Chickpea Soup, and so far it is DELICIOUS. C should be on his way home from work, and then it's suppertime. YUM.

04 April, 2009

celiac obsessiveness

Wow, so, rather than spend my day studying (I will later!) I took E to a playgroup and then started researching celiac disease. Frankly, I feel vindicated. The sudden mood changes, dark under-eye circles and stunted growth were what initially made me wonder, but when we decided to take him off of wheat again even after the allergy tests came back negative we had a rough bit (which we are still going through) which made me question myself. After all, his rash cleared up after giving him wheat again, and came back after cutting it out again. Now I find that celiac is linked to a type of dermatitis, and it looks EXACTLY like what he had (he is currently almost completely cleared up, without drugs or a return to wheat). The sudden mood deterioration of this past week along with digestive problems? A common result of the body trying to heal itself. The more the initial damage, the more dramatic the seeming relapses, but really it's just the body clearing out stuff that it wasn't dealing with beforehand and finding a new balance. The more I learn the more confident I am that we made the right decision. Now I'm wondering, should I cut out oats too? Hmmmmm. Should I wait for this seeming lactose-intolerance to go away (as it may be a side-effect of the celiac) or just take him off of dairy too? Should I calm down? Maybe. However, I know that there is still something going on, and trusting my gut last time has removed a major source of pain from my son's diet, so I think that I'll jsut keep doing what I'm doing. After all, a healthy, happy life is the most I can give him, so why not give him the best I can?

02 April, 2009

April resolution

Yay, time for another resolution! I don't remember if I made one for March, which means if I did I sure didn't stick with it. I'll go back and check later. perhaps.
Soooo this month. hmmm. I think this month my resolution will be to get my head on straight. I've been loopy, and not in a good way, and getting loopier. I know a lot of it is hormones and stress and blah blah blahdiblah. Still; I need to get control over my reactions (or rather, overreactions) before things get bad. So! A couple of steps to this, I suppose.
1) diet: we're working on this already. I say this after chugging down a Malta, but hey, it's my only vice. It's my only vice because we don't have any sweets in the house, otherwise I would probably be giving in to my cravings for MILKSHAKES. NEED A MILKSHAKE.
2)vitamins and supplements: I really really need to take my vitamins every single day. So far I've managed 3 days in a row. woohoo! I'm also adding in Blessed Thistle for my crazies and Capsicum because I am just so cold and tired all the time. ugh.
3)find a more productive outlet for my mood swings than rage, loathing or self-pity. This will probably involve actually talking about my issues with another person. I am very very bad at this. I always feel like I'm being annoying when I complain, but keeping it all in is not good for anyone around here.
4)exercise: yay wii fit! I also managed to get us out on a long walk last week; I'll see if I can manage that again this week. Maybe tomorrow morning? I can use it as an excuse to 'try out the new stroller'. yes.

Other things:
Stop stressing about the House. I'm freaking out because I feel like we're no longer welcome there and I wonder if it's all a huge mistake and augh augh stress cry obsess. It's probably all in my head, but even if it isn't, we (and yes, it has to be 'we') need to be proactive on this and figure things out rather than freaking out (me) or sort-of complain to nobody (him)
Clean the apartment, because it is making me crazy. Seriously. I cry when I'm faced with the mess and, honestly, it's not even that bad! This is another area where I need to communicate my needs, since at this point a clean home IS a need, rather than freak out by myself over the fact that I just vaccummed why is there stuff on the floor laundry augh dirty bowl in the sink!!!!! Not really productive.
On top of that I need to keep on top of school. That's pretty much a given; even when I was really sick and exhausted and sad last quarter I kept up with all my assignments; it's not something I just give up on, ever, especially with the goal in sight (yay graduation! Pictures cost how much?) so I'll just keep on keepin on in that arena. Ok, now I'm going to go take my vitamins, clean, and study a bit. Oh and change E's diaper. This kid REEKS.

31 March, 2009

mmm lunch

Our plan to change our family's eating habits is going pretty well. I planned out a menu for this week and C bought the groceries needed for it. At some point I will plan out the rest of the month as well. Oh, and study. hahahaa. Alright, I'll try to plan out the rest of the month, but menu planning is HARD when one's appetite is erratic (hooray pregnancy), one only wants CHEE (cheese) or CRACKA (granola bar/cracker/banana/cheese), and the third will eat 'whatever'. :)
However! We are trying and doing pretty well. Yesterday C made a delicious salad and some fried potatoes and, shockingly, the potatoes were completely upstaged by the salad. Wow. We also discovered C likes kale (he was feeling adventurous at the grocery store and picked some up. It's much better than him picking up other random foods, like cookies), which is great! As for today, well, I had plans for lunch and dinner but I chose both recipes out of the book C is currently reading, and which is at work with him, so lunch today is salad as well! Dinner will be sushi, so that's easy, just took some rearranging of the menu. I'm so flexible like that. ok, I'm actually just really hungry like that.
We're also eating down all of our 'junk food', which in our case means crackers, cheese and a box of Pocky I got as a surprise for C. Can you believe that? Our junk food is crackers? Weird. C also picked up a package of pita because the book recommended them and he forgot about Pesach. It's cool though, we've been using it to eat through the random tub of hummus we have. Once Pesach is over we will also be a gluten-free household. That's going to be huge, especially since last night the only thing I wanted was crackers. (Which I ate. yum.) So I need to get on the ball with finding alternatives that are not only gluten-free but healthy. Nothing like choosing the right time for a major life change! Like, right before 2 others! At the beginning of my final quarter! Awesome! At least we know we can survive on cut veggies if we both get to overwhelmed to actually cook anything. E will adjust.

In E news (not E!News) he is doing better still, except he looks like a prize fighter now because he fell off a trike into a grate, and then face-first into stairs at the playground. Poor kid has bruises all over his face, a slight black eye and what looks like a scraped chin but is actually a horrible bruise. Today C made a crack about CPS showing up and I said that no, they wouldn't, because both incidents occurred in front of witnesses. Nothing raises your parenting cred like having your kid bust his face right in front of you while other parents are standing nearby. Lord knows what his face will look like when we are actually distracted by the new baby. yeesh. Oh, and my sister thinks he swallowed a pen cap a few days ago, which would explain his complete outrage at any bms lately. We're waiting to see on that one. woohooo. Alright! Nap time!

28 March, 2009

calm before the headlong rush to June

Yesterday we went back up to the house, unloaded a whole bunch of stuff, enjoyed a lovely lunch at Mountain Mike's, got the car smogged ($$) and bought paint for E's room. C started taking down the horribly installed crown molding and I started painting the closet, none of which I photographed. That's ok! It was a really, really good day.
The main wonderful part was the E was HAPPY. He was calm, he was playful, he was wonderful. It's like we have our baby back again. It also confirms our suspicions that he has celiac disease, as after the allergy tests confirmed he does not have a wheat allergy we started giving him bread again and he turned into a hissing, screaming, angry, hysterical little monster. No, I'm not exaggerating; he was horrible. I decided enough is enough and we stopped giving him anything with wheat on Wednesday. That day he managed to get a cookie from somewhere, but was still much improved; by Friday he was a joy to be around, again.
Because of this we are going gluten-free, especially since based on C's own health history we both are starting to suspect that he also has celiac disease, and looking at his family we think there may be a few more suffers in there. My first instinct is to rush in and start cooking for everyone BUT one person at a time. C also started reading Dr. Fuhrman's 'Disease Proof Your Child' and is excited to start improving our health for E's sake.
It's great; I feel like we are really getting on the same page food-wise now, and we've already agreed that occasional lapses are not only ok, but need to be scheduled in (i.e., pizza; C's occasional chicken cravings, our familial cheese addiction). So now I am trying to get rid of anything with gluten in the house. It looks like I will be baking a lot of gift cookies :) Oh, and we also just bought matzah. Yay, guess I know what I'll be snacking on for the next month; good thing we have hummus!

In other news, baby went from measuring 2 weeks behind to 2 weeks ahead. Even though I have not gained a pound since my first appt. at 8 weeks this kiddo is growing just fine, so that's a nice reassurance that I'm doing well nutritionally. Also, this week I have had 4 different people ask me if I was going to find out the gender and then try to convince me it's a good idea. I don't even know these people; it's not like they would get the share in the news; weird! I'm going to go play with my son now, before classes start up again (Monday! Augh!)

26 March, 2009

it comes as no surprise...

...that occasionally, things just suck when you are pregnant. By 'you' I mean me and my stupid melodrama-enhanced issues. Everything I do, or rather, try to do, these days just winds up frustrating me. Example: today!
We are planning to go up to the new house tomorrow, so we were going to borrow the van and pack it full of stuff. Well, we can't 'borrow' the van; my mom is willing to bring it over and go with us and take the van back home afterward. Cool! Works for us! Except it HASN'T. She was supposed to come this morning, so C could help load it before he had to work. Instead, she decided she wants to bring my sister K to help out. Ok, fine. Except K has an appointment tomorrow that she has to reschedule instead. So I spent ALL DAY sitting around, waiting to find out what the plans were NOW, so I could re-plan my own day. I was supposed to go to the store with DL to get paint. I was supposed to go to the grocery store and get food. I was supposed to have a somewhat relaxed day with my Mom deciding what to pack up. Instead, I finally head out alone with E late in the afternoon to run errands. We got as far as the paint store. I did not get paint. I instead got a full-on toddler meltdown because he wanted, ughh, I don't even KNOW. My best guess is he wanted to play in the parking lot. Tough, kid. Back in the car, back home, I get a message that they want to come in the morning instead. UM. Cue sobbing. I had PLANS, people, and not just plans for today, which have all gone to hell, I had plans for TOMORROW, which included picking up the new stroller and painting E's room and getting the car smogged because we HAVE to plus I NEED TO STUDY and damn it all tomorrow is just going to suck too. It just is, as much as they say 'oh, you won't have to load anything' moving is not just loading and unloading, and I know that now not even half of what we were going to do is going to get done and I'm just disappointed and emotional and there is nothing I can do about it GAH.
Also I can't post any pictures I have because they are all on my external which has decided not to turn on anymore. GAH.
Also C keeps trying to buy bread products. Passover! a week or so away! I do not want to eat any more bagels right now thanks!
Also E is being a PIA and even though he is much better now that we, again, took him off of wheat, I am tired of dealing with it just go to bed or something for the love of all that is holy.
Ok, I think I'm going to go feel sorry for myself some more while worrying about the effects of my tantrums on the emotional makeup of my unborn child. Fun. Times.

13 March, 2009


reason why C should, perhaps, NOT be reading the bedtime book:
adding explosions to the end of each page doesn't exactly add a 'calming atmosphere' to the event. It DOES add hysterical giggling (from C) and confusion (from E).
"It's midnight. Do you know where you child is?"
Yes, I do. He's kicking my face.

05 March, 2009

birthdays and cookies

Yesterday E turned 18 months. As he gets older these month markers aren't as dramatic, but this one, now that he's officially "a year and a half" I've been looking forward to. He's close enough to the 'terrible twos' that his tantrums and acting out just look normal to other parents (not that we are encouraging them); it's nice not to have to say "he's very advanced" all the time. He can be lumped together with the older kids and no one bats an eyelash, and it is wonderful. I miss my little baby sometimes, but this kid is so wacky and fun, and honestly sometimes it's hard to remember the tiny baby, so I'm hanging on to these moments while I can.

C's birthday is today; 25! Yay! I got him 'Cowbell Hero' and 'I need more Cowbell' t-shirts. Part of it was because he LOVES that SNL skit, and part of it is because he was driving me crazy with it during my crankiest and he was nice enough to STOP. MENTIONING. COWBELLS. at the time, so this was a combined apology/thank you/happy birthday gift. I'm just so good at multipurposing things that way.

I'm hosting a little dinner in his honor on Sunday, and today, hopefully, I will make a TON of hamentaschen. I'm so excited; it's the first time I'm making them completely on my own, and I am looking forward to good things. I'm also glad I can make a batch for E that is gluten-free, so he can join in the yummy fun too, especially as we will be having a very sober Purim this year. Next year? Alcoholic hamentaschen. Oh yes.

01 March, 2009

getting there

We signed the closing papers on the house Friday! Yay! While it isn't where we plan to wind up, it's a nice house in a nice neighborhood. Now on to phase two: remodeling! The front room is two stories, so we are going to put in a loft. By 'we' I mean V (MIL) is going to find a contractor to do it, since I am too baby-full and time-crunched to actually do anything construction oriented at this point and C, well, C just plain isn't interested. But! There are plenty of things we will be doing. Once we relocate the closet in our new room (the current closet has to be removed to give access to the loft) we will paint and lay in new flooring. Currently the entire upstairs is carpeted, and I refuse to deal with wall-to-wall carpeting anymore. I REALLY don't get the appeal in that. Anyhow! E's room is getting painted by the end of this month, and I hope to start on the yard as well. One side yard is going to be raised beds. The other side is currently filled with Jasmine; we're going to tear out about 1/2 of it, install some other vines (I'm thinking raspberries, maybe some grapes, depending on the soil/drainage conditions) and hopefully clear space for a little play house). M&J (SIL & BIL) are moving and giving us their play structure, so that will take about half the lawn area, and that leaves a nice amount of lawn and some mystery fruit trees. I'm pretty sure they are apples, but I couldn't tell when I saw them as there weren't any leaves yet. The front yard has a swath of rosemary I'm trying to save, since it is filled with bees (I love bees!) and V & M both want to tear it out BECAUSE of the bees. No! We need bees!

Anyhow, those are the plans for now. In the meantime I need to get back to actually passing my classes. This month has been rough, with the 3-week cold from hell which I followed up by giving everyone food poisoning. Awesome. Baby is doing well, at least, although starting to slow down in growth, which pushes my due date back. Which we expected to happen, so yeah. Kiddo is looking right on schedule for me; that is, late! E is watching the Incredibles, so I better finish writing that paper. That really pointless paper for the worst class I have ever taken. What a way to wind up my college career, right?

09 February, 2009

I love...

the Hillshire Farms commercials. C and I say the chants to each other. They are AWESOME.

Why yes, I have been a vegetarian for 16 years. What of it?

04 February, 2009


I am so tired of being sick. I've been sick constantly since November; generally just a general feeling of being under-the-weather, but I keep picking up these viruses without a genuine period of healthy respite between them and it is exhausting. and infuriating! and then I take a nap. Currently the cold-from-hell is putting the kibosh into my plans to get ahead with school, or even function normally. Thankfully E seems to be recovering well, but i am genuinely starting to wonder: am I ever going to be healthy in the near future? woe is me, I know, but I just had 4 hours of sleep and feel worse than when I laid down for the nap, so my brain isn't doing so well. It seems to be swollen, and invading my ears. wah wah wah. It's time for another nap.

01 February, 2009

february resolutions

I love my wii fit! Really. It's awesome, even with the sometimes snarky comments. "You seem a little shaky" "That test really wasn't your strong suit" Really Ms. Wii-trainer? I just fell off the board. I was WONDERING why that was.
It's been a lot of fun though, so keeping to an every-day routine has not been hard at all. The only problem is my competitive spirit.
Me: "Augh! Why do you still have the high score?"
C:"What's wrong? You did good! This isn't a competition."
Me: "..."
C: "Who am I kidding. This is totally a competition."

However! I don't think this will be my resolution. I think my resolution this month will be" get and stay ahead of the game. The school game. Not the life game. I don't see that one happening until E enters college. Or maybe gets married. Or hits 40. But! School I can do. Right now I am just keeping up, so I know with a little push I can get ahead and cut down on my stress. Or not, seeing as E has decided to start screaming at me. aaaaand now he's earned a time-out. and is working on another one. ugh.

29 January, 2009


So, I did make a 'new year's resolution', mostly because I felt it needed to be done for the sake of sanity. Mine was:
Do NOT scream at E. Anymore. Ever again.
yelling, well, that's another story, and frankly I doubt I will ever be able to not yell at him, especially in an emergency. But the fact was his screaming meltdowns were leading to me screaming back, and it was just not good. For my throat, my sanity, or his happiness. Or my happiness, for that matter. So I stopped. It's been really good. He's still a champion screamer, especially at 3am (sorry neighbours. really, we are so sorry) but at least it's not a reaction to me and I feel a lot more in control dealing with his random meltdowns. So I'm thinking maybe a monthly resolution would be a good idea. I'm just going to try to think one up in the next few days.

26 January, 2009

New stuff

Wow! So, almost a month. How time flies when you are overwhelmed and wondering what day it is. Actually, I feel like my life is once again achieving some semblance of order, and things are calming down.
On the offspring front, E has a bacterial eye infection and I am 17 weeks pregnant. Whoohoo! I'm glad the first trimester fatigue has passed just in time for Winter quarter and a perpetually sick toddler. Seriously, where does he get these illnesses? He doesn't go to daycare! He plays with us, 24/7. Eye infection? wth? Bebe2 is thankfully growing along nicely, gearing up to join our little house of chaos sometime in July. My good friend is due 2 weeks after me, so, if things go as I expect we'll probably deliver at the same time. Or not. Who knows.
School is good. Not great, not bad, just eh. Frankly, I am just focused on that June finish line at this point, so as long as I maintain at least a C average, I am out of here. Either way, I'm out of here, as I have exceeded both maximum allowable credits, maximum allowable quarters, and financial aid, all of which end in June. Soooo I had better leave here with that degree.
In other news, we bought a house to move into in August .More on that later. It is so all-consuming for me right now that I can't even begin to frame coherent sentences. Gah. Here's a pic I stole off the internet since I forgot to take any good ones myself. ta-ta